The Unexplained Dangers of Vaping

Death by Fire

Much has been made of li-ion batteries, which is a shame because they could be found in anything. It seems unfair that vaping has to share a danger with laptops, cellphones and torches. It might be better for current smokers to weigh up a more directly attributable issue.

So there you are happily making a new coil, gently threading in the wick and loading up with a juice that tastes so awesome it could have been made by angels. It’s something so enthralling that you utterly forget about the bread you placed into the toaster until the alarm shreds the focussed silence. Now you face one of two options: disable the fire alarm or ignore it, there are no alternatives. It doesn’t matter whether you opt for route one or two, either way it’s going to end up as an inferno and people being interviewed on television saying how you weren’t as bad as the others are making out.

Death by Ignorance

We all begin vaping without knowing everything, but then we get hooked into buying spares for our spares and within six months you need a shipping container for storage. Large collections mean a number of things: firstly, develop some good DIY skills. Shelves were made for books, picture frames and those things your sister-in-law gives you for Christmas.

A collapsing shelf is the least of the issues here. Collecting too many vape things leads to losing things. Not knowing where that reel of wire went leads to anger. Slipping on that reel (kindly placed on the stairs by a caring relative) results in a ten-foot slide, a trip to A&E and people being interviewed on television saying how you weren’t as bad as the others are making out.

Death by Groin

We were all smokers, the statistics say so. Those of us with decent hand-eye coordination also hold a driving licence. This means that a huge swathe of vapers have experienced the joy of a lit cigarette falling down between your legs while on the motorway. And it’s this experience, burned into the psyche and thighs everywhere, that stops us popping our mods between our legs when on the road.

And we can’t not vape as nothing says “I’m an awesome driver” more than someone peering through a windscreen surrounded by clouds. And because we don’t have anywhere decent to store a mod in the vehicle it teeters from where it was balanced, it shifts – it sends the drive-thru coffee groinwards. Against the backdrop of emergency lights, people are being interviewed on television saying how you were the kind of stupid that would Vote Trump.

Vaping isn’t safe, but then neither is living.