Stealthvapeonburyexpotacular

We looked at the best of the best. We looked at Vape Jam, Vape Expo, Vapefest, Vapetuna, World of Vape, Vape Supermarket and Creamfields (now with added vape) before pulling together the best of each and then adding more. What did we end up with? Stealthvapeonburyexpotacular! In almost the same words used by the not-quite-dead-yet Pythons: it’s a barrel load vape, vape, vape, fun, vape, excitement, vape, vape, laughs, vape, vape, vape, thrills, vape and vape. How much more vape can you get into a single event? We asked Spinal Tap’s Nigel Tufnel and he said: “None more. None more vape.”

Oh sure, there may be queues to get in but that just means you made the correct choice and came to the best event – why else would all these other people be queuing up? It certainly isn’t because we only employed our mate Clive to run the door and he suffers from narcolepsy. No. It’s because (even though we’ve never spoken about this before) thousands of people have already signed up to attend on the website we haven’t made yet.

Unfortunately everybody can’t attend. We’d like you all to come but the class-leading expo centre we selected is under the heel of those Health and Safety fascists who blight our collective lives on a daily basis. The village hall at Broughton Poggs has previously hosted a talk on stamp collecting to the Sunday school…and the WI ran a hugely successful seminar on raffia work that attracted attendees from as far away as Southrop and Little Barrington.

What’s on offer? What isn’t on offer more like! We know that the vape scene is now very ‘scene’ with all you hiphopsters and beardymen so we’ve contracted the very best musical acts to entertain you: marvel at the giant sounds of Little David, Jerry Wallace will play every single one of his big hits and nobody plays a mean polka like Whoopee John.

Joan from the corner shop will be running the raffle and the prize list is already frightening. It’s set to grow further – but you could be walking home with a free bag of vape exhaled from the very mouth of YouTube’s Barry Reviews Some Cheap Free Eliquids. As you know, Barry loves every eliquid he hasn’t paid for, so whatever flavour it is the bag will be an enjoyable experience and one you’d struggle to put a price on. Other prizes include a photo of a man in a hat doing some vape tricks in his bedroom and a starter kit that our local shop couldn’t sell.

Accommodation will be available for everybody planning on making a full weekend of it. The pub’s popped up six camp beds in their two bedrooms and the farmer has promised not to drive a plough over any tents in the lower field. Obviously, if you choose to camp in the upper field you agree to wave all rights to personal safety.

Come along to Stealthvapeonburyexpotacular. Meet new friends, enjoy the miserable weather together and then get out – we don’t like strangers round these parts once we have your money.

*No food or drinks or vaping equipment can be brought into the venue. If you need to eat, drink or vape then Colin and Sharon can attend you from their well-stocked and almost reasonably priced trestle table.