Future-proofed Vaping

Equipment is going to get smaller. Do you remember how little 2ml is? It’s tiny and, as men everywhere know, trying to convince someone they’ll be satisfied with a small portion is a non-starter. Heck, when was the last time a fast-food employee asked you if you fancied “going small”?

It’s going to get smaller, more expensive and then vanish – because that’s what happens to small things. Keys, loose change and children under 3yrs-old are all prone to being misplaced. The answer is simple: buy a Stealthvape lathe. We absolutely guarantee that anybody proficient in making their own coil or rewicking already has the full skillset required to manufacture their own mods and atomisers. Honest.

Not only will you have the option to manufacture all of your own kit in your spare bedroom but also you will no longer be stuck with dull materials like steel or brass. We will be stocking Stealthvape Gold bars, Stealthvape Tin and Stealthvape Platinum. Plus, for those with a sense of fun and adventure, we will be stocking Stealthvape Rubidium (excellent entertainment at pool parties) and Stealthvape Uranium (never lose a mod in the dark again).

We have also looked around at types of wire that have no connection to vaping. When the thought police start raiding homes searching for vapers hoarding reels of Ti wire we figured it would be a great idea to begin using something more commonplace – so say hello to Stealthvape Barbwire.

Stealthvape Barbwire is just as good as any other vaping wire on the market but can also be used to security proof your back garden or pen in a load of sheep (something many of our customers have told us they have a problem with). An excellent flavour production is enhanced by the Barbcoil™ ability to retain a wick and prevent it slipping out.

And what about those wicks? We all know that the government plans to ban all forms of cotton wool just to annoy us, well we’ve come up with a true game changer: the Stealthvape Perforated Duvet. It looks just like a normal duvet because it is a normal duvet – but the perforations enable you to tear off handy pieces to be inserted into your atomiser. No need to thank us, we spend all of our free time coming up with ideas like this just to help you.

What about juice? Simple, we’ve created the Stealthvape Natural Eliquid Company branded blender. The average person in the street will think it’s just a normal blender, but it isn’t. It’s a normal blender to be used to turn any food into an eliquid. You won’t have to worry about flavourings passing some kind of pointless certification because you just need to throw in a full Domino’s 12” and add your own nicotine. Mmm, pizza juice. Where does the nicotine come from? Easy, from the new Stealthvape Hydroponic kit. Simply turn that space in the attic (where you currently store old video recorder instruction manuals) into a tobacco farm.

Some might call us mad – but we’re just mad for solutions.