Both Scenarios

It was the day after the Euro referendum and Bob was happy/sad because the result was/wasn’t the way he’d wanted it to go. Typically, the weather outside was sunny/pouring down and his street was peaceful/swarming with rioters. Finally, he thought to himself, we can make plans for the future/go to Hell in a handcart.

Betty, his gorgeous/hideous wife, floated/crashed into the lounge promising him sexual favours/a life of ice lasting until his death. “Bob, I’ve told you before about leaving all of your vape gear over the table. You know damn well how much this excites me/makes me want to go live with my mother.” Bob raised his eyes to the ceiling; he (like all husbands) hated being treated as a hot sex object/second-rate and henpecked mother substitute.

At times like these he always opted to vape with a tank/dripper in order to convey the level of his delight/irritation to rival the time he met Michael McIntyre in Primark. But then he’d always found McIntyre’s face to be very slappable/ overpoweringly slappable.

“You know, the best thing about this referendum has been the calmed and measured debate/insane summoning of the forces of the dead befitting an Evil Dead sequel. In many ways it reminds me of the fantastic/woeful to and fro about vaping in the medical community.”

Betty wasn’t listening; she was far too preoccupied with slipping in to something comfier/packing her bags and dropping his comics (sorry, “graphic novels”) out of their protective sleeves. It’s fair to say that Betty had issues/had ruined his issues. Bob wasn’t wrong, and yet he was. For sure the debate surrounding ecigs has been polarised and contains more than its fair share of ridiculous statements being spouted by cartoonlike public health “experts”… but at least there was a side to pick with nothing but sensible commentators. And it was possible to escape from all of the vape politics if you wanted to.

With Betty draping herself over his shoulders/stomping down the path (through the people carrying flaming torches), Bob reflected on how different vapelife would be after this result. He’d decided a while ago that the TPD wasn’t going to be the main item to dictate his voting intention; there were other things he cared about, because, as far as vaping goes the outcome unfortunately won’t change a thing.

Bob blew a cloud and the world continued to turn. This is the only future that mattered.