Things You Can Do With Your Mod In Public

On the buses

There is something about buses, maybe it is the low revs or just sitting over the suspension but it has a certain ‘effect’ on a number of gentlemen. It may well act as a similar stimulus for women as well but not being female or having witnessed a ‘Sleepless In Seattle’ moment I can’t be certain.

This tends to drive some men to do things on the top deck that upset children and small animals. Wop your mod out instead. Sure, bus companies take a dim view on vaping (because bus driver can not distinguish between an unregulated device and 20 Benson), but there’s nothing to stop you fiddling with your air control ring or gently thumbing a vent hole.

Run, Forest, run

Not all of us competed for glory during London 2012 and most of us will suffer day-to-day misery by virtue of failing at life. When I say ‘most of us will’ I mean ‘I’.

I accept that I will never be Demetrius Pinder but I can get three friends, once I make three friends, and hare around Northampton town centre passing my Paps X to one of them. Slumping on the bench outside Greggs, gulping lungs of oxygen, I can watch my mod vanish off towards the library as pastie-clutching hordes congratulate my performance.

Play the funky music, white boy

When I was younger I spent most of my time going to watch bands play and although the frequency has tailed off one thing remains true: there is always a stupidly tall bloke or an idiot woman in a big hat in front of you.

A reel of Kanthal and a pair of Hana mods: you instantly have the ability to convert your shoes into platforms and piss off the person standing behind you. But ignore them, for the first time in ages you can see the stage.

Not just this, but when the annoying bare-chested young man tries to form a human pyramid or the dumpy girl sits on her partner’s shoulders you can take them both out with a regulated mod to the temple. In this eventuality you will probably find that everyone else at the gig buys you drinks all night.

That offends me

Society is now chockablock with people taking offence over anything; the wrong type of oxygen in the air, the offensive colouration of some wood or the sound of water all number in the big list of things that upset people so much they have to write to the Daily Mail’s editor.

Get angry no more, upset folks: sub-ohm clouds are here to save the day.

If it’s a noise then the cloud will deaden it, if it’s visually offensive then the cloud will obscure it from your eyes. Not only will the general public become happier overnight if sub-ohmers start billowing their vape into people’s faces but ‘The Vaper’ will be raised to the lofty heights of ‘Super Hero’.

There are no limits to what we can achieve.