The Tao of Vaping

You will feel like it’s an ohm from ohm at our luxurious five-coil retreat. Journey with us to explore an underlying natural order to things, a path of enlightenment culminating with the revelation of the perfect vape, the Tao of vaping.

It is a path you have already been walking down whether you were conscious of it or not. As a smoker you simply made do. Perhaps that first drag in the morning was good for you, perhaps it cleared the pipes or hit the spot, but from thereon in, throughout the day, it was downhill and habit. You didn’t poke your fag with things; you didn’t steep boxes of two hundred in cupboards.

Young padawan, you were destined to join us at the Stealthvape Tao of Vaping residential weekend resort, you just didn’t know you were an devotee chasing a dragon.

Many a shaman will tell you is that the one ‘true’ way is the path of the genisis; everything we know about spirituality we learnt from David Carradine on television. The toughest route is always the correct one, and the path of most resistance is situated by the bubbling Pool of Curses.

The route is long and arduous, and one we insist you complete barefoot. It is covered in small rocks, shards of glass and bricks of discarded Lego. Not much fun when you are a devil-may-care, bare-footed e-cig adventurer kicking it Shaolin style.

But you will emerge as a spirit on a higher plane. After several hours attempting to make the atomiser work you will find yourself spent of negative energy – as it leaves your body to be absorbed by the pool.

Now you are ready for progression to the Zen Room of Coils. Empty your mind (like you emptied your wallet to attend this course), as you focus on the wire in front of you. Can a one-handed vaper clap in the Forest of Dean if no one is around to hear? It’s irrelevant questions to life like this that will not trouble you, as we won’t be asking them.

We will focus on the larger things: If you cut your hand on a sheet of mesh and no one is around to see does it still hurt? If a butterfly flaps its wings will rid a hotspot? By teatime on the second day you will have balanced your yings with your yangs, and emerge back into the car park in your complimentary Stealthvape Tao of Vaping Yogi clothes.