The Stealthvape Vape Museum of Vaping

Vapers love vaping, and that’s more of a fact than anything Donald Trump has ever claimed to be a fact. Ecig owners share pictures of their equipment more frequently than sexual deviants on specialist forums. But like holidaymakers at a naturist campsite, it’s time to get it all out in the open.

Imagine the scene, there are only days remaining before the country indulges itself in its favourite bank holiday pastime – arguing in a stationary car on a motorway while rain gently obscures everything from existence. But instead of not quite getting to the seaside or the Chessington World of Soft Leather Furnishings next year, why not come and almost visit Stealthvape’s Vape Museum of Vaping (for vapers)?

Clearly, as this is just another in a long list a ridiculous ideas we concocted on the back of a beer mat, this doesn’t actually exist yet – but it will. It doesn’t matter either way, as the road network will put pay to any plans of actually arriving. As the hours gently roll by while you wait for the BMW driver to get back into his car and move forward three inches, punctuate the back seat bickering by regaling tales of the wonders waiting inside the SVMoF(FV).

Marvel at the wall of CE4 atomisers. It’s like a hall of mirrors but not quite as much fun. Make sure you give yourself enough time to take in the full glory of the presentation that will speak to your soul. It will say something like “why am I standing here staring at this nonsense?” But you, being a vaper, will reply out loud: “This is our history, this is where we come from – this is like gazing into the Big Bang. Only with slightly less background radiation.” We promise to move that lump of uranium out of the building as soon as possible.

Moving through to the Room of Debate, wonder at the table in the centre of the room. Seated around it is a group of performance artists, recreating the great online clone vs. original debates. Over the years, marvellous constructs of logic have been used to convey deeply held beliefs. We felt it would be a terrible shame for them to be lost in time. Keep a special eye out for the purist in the corner who is ignoring everybody because he is better than the others. Do not try to talk to him, he will snub you.

Then, after signing the disclaimer, enter Short-circuit land. Picture the glee plastered all over the faces of your little ones as they gawk upon a person desperately trying to have a vape – but failing. Doesn’t he realise his mod has automatically cut out? No, no he does not. Oh the hilarity, oh the family bonding that will result from shared mirth. *If you do not have little ones of your own we have a range available for rent at very affordable prices.

All this and more, the SVMoF(FV) promises to be probably the greatest thing you will ever visit. Better than a Little Chef all-day breakfast, more fun than watching rain drops coalesce on a window – it will change the lives of all who come.