The Home for Vapers

First there was gin. Then there was opium. Then there was opium and gin. Society ravaged by things bent on ripping it asunder. Then there were collectible series of magazines for your children, which start off at 99p but need an application to Loans4U for the next issue. Addiction combined with a desire to collect is powerful; it enslaves those in its grip. Now there is vape.

Take Norma. She has been bulk buying nicotine base for the last 19 months. Her children have been eating pictures of fish fingers for the last three weeks while the food cupboards are rammed with containers – there was no space left in the freezer or the spare freezer. Norma needs your help.

And don’t forget about Rimesh. The poor lad has been buying every mod released since 2010. Such is the drain on the family’s income his wife hasn’t been able to get a new pair of shoes since last summer – she’s had to make do with the forty-two pairs in the wardrobe. It’s not just the money either. Through tripping over boxes or being hit on the head by falling 18650 devices, Rimesh has been to casualty so often he has his own bed. Rimesh is crying out for something to be done.

Norma and Rimesh are not alone, there’s thousands of vapers who have been bitten by the collecting bug and it’s driven them to a life of misery. At some point their lives are going to come tumbling down like a badly stacked pile of atomisers. The money will dry up and then the chaos will start.

The concept of the ‘poor house’ went into decline shortly after Dickens penned Little Dorrit or something. We don’t know because we didn’t bother to check…but there’s none of them now and that’s for sure. So, for this reason we are asking for your assistance.

We vapers are a band of brothers and sisters – except those who are married because being brothers and sisters because that would make it all a bit weird. Better make that a happy family instead. Anyway, the point is that we’re very good for looking out for one another and so Stealthvape is going to set up the Stealthvape Home for Vapers. It will be a place for everyone forced into penury, sanctuary for all of the vape destitutes.

We intend to provide a place to live, food to eat and 30ml of eliquid a week to those who have fallen on hard times because of their vaping. But there’s more: we will be giving our residents skills for life. There’s no point helping people back onto their feet if they simply go back to their old lives. We will be delivering a variety of classes such as creating toys for children with resistance wire and designing fashions from wick material. It will give them a sense of purpose and wellbeing once again.

So how can you help? Obviously, the easiest way would be for you to post us sacks of money. In fact that’s probably the only way. Just remember, this isn’t a scam – it’s all about helping the Normas and Rimeshes. “Give, us your (chuffing) money!”