The Biggest Menace in Vaping

Maybe you’re bugged by serious stuff? There’s the inclusion of diketones in juice. Or, worse, manufacturers who include it in their brands, know it’s in there, prove it’s in there in stupidly high levels and then lie to everyone who asks about it. That kind of thing could really get stuck in your craw.

How about substandard batteries? The ones called ThisshitsonFire or the clones of otherwise decent cells that’ll go pop the second there’s an InjuryLawyer4YouIdiots advert on TV? They certainly appear to make some people go apoplectic although the subject is far too Darwin Award to raise concern from me.

Subohmers, eh? Those clouds, eh? Ruining vaping for the rest of us normal folk? Nope, sorry, I can’t agree as I love to lob a dripper on a high-powered box along with the best of them although I could acknowledge a strong dislike of any reference to “Pro vaping”.

Maybe those high wattage boxes? Drama queens? Vapefamous wannabes? YouTube reviewers who look to the right of the camera, have no script and remain as focussed as a kid in class sitting next to someone they fancy? Sorry, none of these really register on my scale of annoyance. I discovered what vexes me when a Smok X Cube II arrived in the post.

It’s not that it’s as heavy and attractive as a professional wrestler, or that it seems to have been designed by an aesthetically challenged fan of gimmicks. It’s not the ill-fitting battery cover or the menu system that has three firing options…all of which appearing to perform the identically. Nope, none of them. It’s the app that connects with the mod by Bluetooth.

But then it’s not even the app; being able to change the colour emanated when fired or to adjust the temperature coefficient of the wire combines ease of use with functionality. It’s the puff counter.

It’s the puff counter and the puff counter log. It’s the automatic puff counter hitting a predetermined puff limiter and the option to set up a puff plan. It’s anything with the word puff.

Oh, for sure, at this very moment in time it seems a tiny, insignificant gripe – but you wait. As these things begin shipping over in larger numbers there are going to be legions of vapers keen to share their “Vaping Record”.

In puffs.

It is widely accepted in this house that one of the single most insufferable things in life was the advent of the app that tracks the exercise regimes of deeply boring people. “Karen has just completed 4km”, “Sanjit has just cycled 2.5km”, “Bob has walked 15m to the shop” is all my actual friends (not vaping friends) Facebook timeline seem to consist of. I do not care what amusing thing your cat has done, what your sandwich looks like or that you are at Gatwick (again). I really don’t care about your exercise.

Nor, should Smok include the functionality so it can be instantly copied to social media, do I care how many puffs you have had today. Now I need to go share a picture of something I found funny in the hope that you think I’m amusing.