The Stealthvape Guide to Stealthy Vaping

Firstly, welcome back the 70s with some big hair. Resembling Cousin Itt might have gone out of fashion in the Noughties but the possession of a personal, portable hide can’t be overstated. Onlookers will take you for a shop display or a part of a hilarious Channel 4 comedy show instead of a vaper. Balding gents might wish to consider a luxurious wig – or maybe cultivate a large beard to comb backwards.

Fancy dress offers many possibilities, especially full animal suits. Not only does this offer you the potential to vape wherever you please but you are guaranteed to be a hit with stag and hen parties.

Stealth seekers ought to consider a full-face helmet. They are an absolute boon for the vaper who wishes to live on the edge but remain under the radar. Open visor, inhale, close visor, exhale – it really is that simple although we’d have to say that if your day-to-day job is astronaut then opening the visor is carried out at your own risk.

Camouflage can be a simple thing to pick up for beginners. Think about the colour of vape and match it to the background. If you stick to vaping by white walls, in chalk quarries or at a Donald Trump rally then nobody will notice you. The last suggestion isn’t advisable for Mexicans.

Vaping in clouds would be ideal but currently only applies to creative pilots, but it highlights the notion of “Location, location, location”. Stuck in town? Need a quick vape? Pop into a cheesy disco billowing clouds from a machine. Failing this, a prompt career change to become a hillside farmer tending sheep means you’ll spend your days surrounded by mini land-based portable clouds. For those stuck in cities the same effect might be possible by becoming a poodle walking service.

To avoid any cost, why not consider just changing your routine? Become a Goth, a vampire or a road repair worker (these are not mutually exclusive) and live life to the fullest at night. Vaping will be a cinch in the dark although it does present problems if you need to fill a tank or fit a new coil.

Finally, you could learn to do magic really well like Gandalf or Harry Potter. There must be some kind of spell to make vape clouds invisible. Plus, being a bit Gandalf has an added advantage – big beards. Combine this with camouflage, a full-face helmet and dog walking in a disco and no one will look at you twice. Job done.

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