Rebranding

Good branding isn’t just important to a business, it’s essential. It is the lifeblood of a company because it’s what differentiates the products from all of the others in the marketplace. Graphic designers, copywriters and assorted marketing executive idiots called Nigel give up days of their lives to attend brainstorming meetings. They slave over ideas that would make the ones entertained in The Apprentice seem great. It takes time, experience and dedication to produce something good.

So, no wonder some juice makers think it’s a good idea to piggyback on the advertising and promotion of others. We just feel that if they’re going to do it they ought to be going the whole way; why stop at just taking Sara Lee’s cake designs or Pokemon’s slogan?

For a starter they should be changing their company names to sound like one of the giants in the consumer industry like Unilever, Apple or Poundland. Forget all that vape nonsense, go for the jugular; it makes no sense if you’re simply going to steal a brand identity without going the whole hog.

Plus, if you are running a company producing these knock-off juices, what on earth are you thinking of by not changing your own name too? Why be Dylan Jones when the stroke of a pen (and swish of a blade for men) can transform you into Delia Smith? Delia Smith who owns a juice firm now called Marks & Spencer Liquids. Do away with the worry of trying to build yourself a name in the market place, now you have one instantly and we’re going to choose not to mention the one most vapers call you, children may be reading.

Or go the whole hog.

As you already hold a reviled position within the community, why not opt to be known as Sir Phillip Green? You’re now just one step away from the final transformation. All property is theft, right? To date you’ve been happy to make do with intellectual property but there is so much more out there for the ambitious eliquid entrepreneur.

Don’t bother with stupid overheads from renting business premises, set up a trestle table inside the nearest shopping centre food court. “Go away, stupid security guard,” you can exclaim, “for I am Delia Smith/ Sir Phillip Green and I own this whole pantheon to consumerism.”

Which brings you to the culmination of the transformation. Instead of stealing ideas and riding on the backs of others, while bringing vaping into disrepute, you can now do away with the whole messy liquid making process too. People in shopping centres have money, you want their money – steal it.

Stealthvape are available for business development consultancy services to the whole dodgy sector of the juice industry. Not next Thursday though as we’re launching our new range of Marvel(ous) wire: Colossus kanthal with free Wolverine wick.

Images stolen from Wikipedia and Pixabay