Post-truth Vaping

This year has been slated as one wreaking havoc and carnage at every turn, momentous global events and the loss of respected entertainers. Vaping has never been under such pressure from legislators and officious public health dictators – so how about we pull a leaf from the Brexit and Trump campaigns?

Let’s be fair, the California Department of Public Health open that door when it launched its Still Blowing Smoke campaign. When Stanton Glantz drives along Research Highway, truth is just something standing on a corner he briefly waves at. It’s time for some post-truth pro-vaping facts to get out there.

POST-TRUTH VAPING FACT 1

Vaping is sexy. In studies we just made up: vapers report lasting longer than anybody else, having more partners than anybody else AND have orgasms that are 74.2% more enjoyable than other people’s.

POST-TRUTH VAPING FACT 2

Switching to electronic cigarettes has been linked to improved performance at work and more promotions. A leading researcher who doesn’t exist said: “In 7 out of 10 cases, someone who vaped occupied the more senior position and took home at least 20% of their salary in annual bonuses.” Having not spoken to a recruitment consultant, it transpires that vapers are more likely to be listed for interview at the application stage and are always offered the job on the spot.

POST-TRUTH VAPING FACT 3

Eliquid doesn’t contain any carcinogens when vaped. In fact, it carries all the danger of a puppy in a fluffy blanket in a room full of pillows. Since 2016, all juice manufacturers have replaced any diacetyl and aldehydes with happiness and love – which is what the rest of the liquid was anyway.

POST-TRUTH VAPING FACT 4

Vaping repels mosquitos, vermin, spiders and anything else you don’t like – such as people selling double-glazing. Anything that upsets you can now be cured with a quick vape.

We have launched a couple of products to accommodate the dawn of this new vaping era. We will no longer be selling reels of wire as two 5cm lengths will do everything you could hope for. They will never go black and can continually be reformed into different coil types.

Our new wick may look like all the old wicks, but this is post-truth wick. It really does wick faster, stays cleaner and tastes better than anything else. Of course, none of this may be true – but does anybody care anymore?