Other Things Wales Can Crack Down On

Drakeford was strongly against ecigs being used to prop open the many gates in Wales. So convinced was he that this was a potential problem he kept harping on about this gateway effect all the time…this was when he wasn’t talking about Norma Lisation. We remain unclear who this Norma is.

Is it possible Ms Lisation owns many of the gateways? Or maybe she is the person who told Drakeford about children finding mods wedged into gateposts? In all honesty we totally lost whatever point Drakers was trying to make but the above is probably along the right lines.

Anyway, without him, what can the Senedd focus on now that they’ve said further attempts to regulate vaping is off the agenda? We have a couple of ideas.

Nobody uses indicators these days so this ought to be an open goal. Ban indicators on cars and replace them with cuddly Charlotte Church dolls. Not only would it be awesome to have Charlotte Churches everywhere you looked, but it would make the corners of cars squidgy enough to absorb the impact of any children running out from a field clutching a mod they’d just found.

And if promoting vape is prohibited on the internets then what about cats? Cat pictures on social media encourage owners to get one only for them to release it into the wild every night, where it defecates in other people’s garden and fights on their fence. Plus, and this isn’t mentioned often enough, owning a kitty is clearly one of these gateways things. Next month the person will be buying a panther. This has to be the second thing requiring urgent attention.

Finally, beards.

Yes, we realise that this is a very contentious issue but Noel Edmunds, Dave Lee Travis and Russell Brand were never meant to be role models. While it is inevitable that young boys will experiment with facial hair most of them do not develop a lifelong addiction and go on to live fulfilling and healthy lives. The only reason Drakeford didn’t act when he had the chance was because many influential colleagues were beard users themselves – but the harm has been well documented.

Children as young as very small have been left with beard rashes or a smearing of last week’s fry up following an affectionate peck. Plus, the link to international terrorism can’t be overlooked either.

So come on Welsh Labour politicians, show us that you care as passionately about the issues that really matter as well as the ones you just make up in your heads.