Failure is not an option

Personal failure is always a concept I’ve struggled with. Those of us who bought into the concept of the scientific process know full well that lucking out on the correct hypothesis with the first roll is nigh on impossible. Science moves forwards like the allied front in the 1^st World War, clambering over the corpses of those who went before. A hypothesis that’s disproved is just that, it’s not a failure because it’s a step towards the truth.

My coiling attempts weren’t failures to begin with; they were part of the learning process. Sure, the initial attempts at gennys would reduce people to tears of laughter at fifteen paces but does that matter?

I never failed to make a DIY juice either. I produced bottle upon bottle of eliquid that tasted like a cross between a steeped used jockstrap combined with tramp’s urine. I ought to point out that I have no direct experience of identifying that particular flavour. So, yeh, no juice failures just a collection of evidence that I was not born to mix my own.

I’m not going to beat myself up over atomisers I’ve not managed to master either. There’s no need for a roll call but a succession of different ones have passed through my hands since I began vaping. For me attys are Boolean, they either work right off the bat or they are those things you have to overcome huge desire to improve through the application of a baseball bat. I don’t understand the current fascination to over-complicate simple designs for no or negligible benefit. My Heron has rocked the same coil since I got it with just the cotton being replaced now and then – now that’s the kind of simple I love. Men love simple things.

I’m waiting for the introduction of the Quantum atomiser. One that will be both difficult and easy to wick, that will be to flavour and clouds as light is to wave and particle. And if the driptip acted like a diffraction grating then so much the better. The only problem I can foresee with such a device is that when it arrives in the post it will exist in a broken and as new state until you open the box.

I guess the images of the chap from China who’d blown a hole in his hand could be construed as failure. It was certainly a failure in the battery that left him in hospital – but then if you are a paranoid parent and want to keep an eye on your child, while playing ‘Where’s Daddy gone” and hiding behind your hands, then the strategically placed wound would prove to be a real boon. Plus, if the accident led to the child forming a stronger parent bond then it’s all-good; at least they aren’t sitting down in front of the television. Scientists are reported to have discovered that watching television at the end of a long day can make you feel guilty and like a failure. That’s no life for a child.

The study, published in the Journal of Communication, found that people who were highly stressed after work did not feel relaxed or recovered when they watched TV or played computer games. Instead they had high levels of guilt and feelings of failure. If you are so consumed I can always send you some pictures of my coils and 10ml of Jockstrap Piss. My plea is this: instead of turning on the television tonight go invent me the world’s first atomiser driven by theoretical physics.You can’t fail to make me happy if you succeed.