Dark Matter

I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking about how many points you could score in Scrabble with that name if only you were allowed to use proper nouns and more than eight letter tiles. I know that’s what went through my mind, displacing all thoughts of Katy Perry on a Spacehopper.

Zwicky, you see, realised that some galaxies were travelling far faster than they ought to be compared to the observed gravitational mass of surrounding galaxies. Something else had to be exerting a force on them to give them this additional oomph. Something dark.

Of course, it would be easy to attempt to describe this further, using real world analogies in an attempt to make the obscure have some meaning. But Richard Feynman nailed it when discussing quantum mechanics: “It will be difficult. But the difficulty really is psychological and exists in the perpetual torment that results from your saying to yourself, ‘But how can it be like that?’ which is a reflection of uncontrolled but utterly vain desire to see it in terms of something familiar. I will not describe it in terms of an analogy with something familiar; I will simply describe it. I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics. Do not keep saying to yourself, if you can possibly avoid it, ‘But how can it be like that?’ because you will get ‘down the drain’, into a blind alley from which nobody has yet escaped. Nobody knows how it can be like that.”

I love a bit of Physics, me. So do a whole host of you, even those of you who don’t think you do, because you are currently looking at a page on the Stealthvape website.

We carry out little lab experiments every single time we build a new coil or construct our own box mods. We do stuff that today’s kids rarely get the opportunity to carry out in school because of a temporary relocation into a Geography classroom or thanks to Darren acting like a pillock and disrupting the class.

“I’m sorry, but if I can’t trust you to carry out experiments safely without attaching a power supply to Jeremy’s nipples then you’re going to spend the hour copying from a book.”

What I’ve always found sad is the volume of people who say they “can’t do science” or they find it dull. But then look at the enthusiasm vaping brings out in folks…Vapers may enter not being conversant in batteries, Ohm’s Law or mixing chemicals in the kitchen but the community acts like a free Open University for nicotine heads.

Isn’t it awesome to explore how different flavours interact when mixing up a DIY juice? Well, no. That bit is an utter PITA all things considered because after spending tens of pounds on assorted concentrates I never managed to titrate anything remotely vapeable. But then that’s Chemistry and, as every Physicist knows, that’s not a proper science anyway. Like Biology.

We are vapers therefore we are scientists – and we’re at the bleeding edge of modern physics research. Dark matter increases the velocity of matter…which explains why my tank empties so quickly. I can prove it: just look at your wick the next time you go to change it…dark matter everywhere.

I’m sending a bagful to dark matter theorist Dan Hooper at Fermilab in Chicago. Actually, thinking about it, I’ll hand deliver them so I can go call on Katy Perry.

Images courtesy of a delightful article here