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Thing is, and there’s a truism from football, that form is temporary and class is permanent.

I’m not a dedicated follower of fashion and resolutely refuse to accompany my daughter shopping. She’s 13 and apparently clothes are important to 13yr-old girls. I know this because I stood with her for twenty-three minutes and nineteen seconds as she attempted to decide which top to buy. Once, never again, will I spend twenty-three minutes and nineteen seconds before leaving the store and go listen to the radio in the car.

It’s got to that stage at home where my teenagers mock me for my clothes but I’m OK with that, it’s all part of my anti-fashion/anti-brand stance. My teen punk ethos bleeding into my middle age spread. Or so I thought.

As much as I refuse to countenance paying more than a tenner for a shirt or £20 on shoes I keep finding myself pulled out by the rip tide of vaping fashion into deep waters. One minute I was happy paddling with my Kayfun-lite, the next I’m sitting looking at a Dome wondering how on Earth it floated onto my desk. And then it struck me that I am my daughter; I spend far more time flitting from browser tab to browser tab comparing vape gear than she ever does with clothes. I’m not knocking the KFL, far from it. As someone who was using Evods and learning to swim in vaping circles I was given an almighty push in the back to flounder about with it.

The Kayfun, in its present iteration, is still the only silica atty I keep going back to again and again. Yes it dribbles a little bit from the fill hole even though Svoemesto have now put an o-ring there but it doesn’t have the hit or miss quality of the Taifun or the ridiculous size. I got a GT because everyone was going on about how they were better than Kayfuns and, being more sheeplike than the ones that cartoon wolf tried to steal (only to be pounded by the dog), I followed the crowd.

Now it’ll sit here on the desk and be used once in a blue moon either because of its bulk or because the exact same wick and coil set-up will dry hit or leak. More than anything I’ve learnt that going with the pack only leads to frustration.

It’s not an easy thing to do if you are me and have my vast list of bad choices I’ve made. If I just reel off the unaided vehicle-based decisions I’ve made you’ll get the picture:

• A Vauxhall Victor estate – 2 months, dead in the drive
• A Polski Fiat – 1 hour, died after one mile
• A Moto Guzzi – three days, shaft seized
• A Leyland Princess – one month, died on the A1
• A second Moto Guzzi – died while doing 80mph in the outside on the M6
• A Volvo 440 – died during test drive when I was selling it
• Trust me, it goes on…

So, I was quite proud of myself that I gave the Aqua a wide berth. Especially when I looked at how fussy it was inside at a recent vapemeet. That was a real bullet-dodging moment for me. It ranks up there with the time I avoided being arrested with my mates, for driving around Northampton throwing lit bangers out of the window, on the way back from the pub.

It seemed a great idea at the time. Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

This is the person who has lived through two major housing-price crashes and both times they came days after I bought a house. It wouldn’t have been so bad had they been decent houses but I opted for quirky and unique. People don’t buy quirky and unique. I should be kept away from money, decisions and cheap Chinese fireworks.

The second proper mech mod I bought fell into that quirky subset. I loved the design in the way a mother loves her hideously ugly baby. After two large price drops on the vendors website I couldn’t give it away. Well that’s not true because I have just given it away, no one would have bought it.

When it came to mods there was one I resolutely stayed away from, I didn’t buy a thing from Atmomixani because the world and her husband had one, real or clone. For months I resisted until my birthday loomed and the wife wanted to know if there was anything I’d like.

Figuring that I would never pay for a Nemesis I suggested it. What do you know? I made a decent call for once. But then you already know that because you’ve probably got one. I guess when you make the volume of poor choices in life that I do then some of them will come good; it’s like the roomful of monkeys with computers.

I’m doing myself a disservice. For a start I’ve never read a Dan Brown novel, watched Titanic, listened to One Direction or dialled to have a contestant evicted from a televised house/jungle. Not all my choices have been stupid.

The mods and attys I have now may not be anybody else’s cup of tea but what does that matter? The wick in my Pulse-G may look like a monstrosity but it’s my disaster and it vapes brilliantly.

Living in the now and exploring is what makes vaping the journey it is because, like travelling, the wrong turn can often take you to the most interesting of destinations. Just don’t follow my lead.

Dave Cross