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2014 was rubbish so, in an attempt to be more efficient, I’m writing a review of 2015 now. It will probably all be true. In case it isn’t I’ll substitute a 6 for a 5 next December and be quids in. This writing lark is easy.

January

Scientists proved vaping was 100 times safer than smoking. The WHO greeted this great news by stating that electronic cigarettes should be banned from cars and @ir8vaperz tweeted “prof glantz iz dumb lol”.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from steel and replete with steel accents for a bargain £185

February

BBC launches Celebrity Vaping On Ice, a program so popular the rest of television was cancelled. Gary Barlow launches his own flavour range but failed to submit a tax return as his business wasn’t liquid.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from steel and replete with brass accents for a bargain £190

March

Barry Victorian-Beard, UKIP election candidate, stated that vaping was the missing link between homosexuality and the decline of the British artisan biscuit industry. After a venomous campaign by outraged vapers across social media he later said his words had been taken out of context due to someone listening.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from brass and replete with copper accents for a bargain £200

April

As my birthday fell somewhere in the middle, I spent most of this month drunk. The only thing I remember is that I wanted the new JDT mod but didn’t get it. My family hates me.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from copper and replete with brass accents for a bargain £250

May

Dr Konstantinos Farsalinos sought funding for finding the link between Martin McKee’s job title and his inability to engage with the public. No conclusions could be drawn from the resulting data. @Johnrashton47 questioned @ir8vaperz’s parentage on Twitter before blocking him.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from cheese and replete with cracker accents for a bargain £300

June

The first regulated box mod with a true 1,000W capability released to critical acclaim. Additional features included the ability to prevent toxins from being produced by the coil, a sensor indicating the optimum time to rewick and a facility to boil water for Pot Noodles.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from Jeremy Clarkson and replete with Ferrari accents for a bargain £400

July

Youtube featured the first negative vape review – questions were asked in Parliament. @ir8vaperz tweeted “this is just like ameravape all over again but for the first time lol #shocked”

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from the Queen’s corgis and replete with posh accents for a bargain £500

August

Vapefest ran over a full fortnight on Canvey Island where Diablo Mods gave away a container truck full of hybrids to one lucky winner. “I’ve only used my eGo and Evod to date but look forward to spending the next three years wicking them all,” said a smiling Gary Codface from Darlington.

JD Tech released a brand new Stingray made from the Turin shroud and rubies for a bargain £1000.

September

The beginning of the new school year found teachers facing compulsory random nicotine testing. Professor Muppet, Public Health England, explained that such measures were essential if we were “going to keep bike sheds free for Dazza and Shannice to grab a crafty fag instead of going to Maths.”

JD Tech released a brand new disposable Stingray made from toilet rolls and sticky-back plastic for a bargain £25,000.

October

Stealthvape released sneak details of this year’s Xmas product – based on the space ship Event Horizon’s gravity drive.

China released the clone of next month’s JD Tech mod before JDT thought about making it. JDT announced a partnership with the Devil and planed for the acquisition of the soul of vaping.

November

Vape fashion hit the catwalks of Paris and Milan: vapers could now stealth vape by using the cunning combination of wearable tech and haute couture.

JD Tech bought China on Ebay and cloned themselves in a freakish accident just like that one in The Fly with Jeff Goldblum.

December

Celebrity Vaping On Ice did a Christmas special crossover with Top Gear, widely held as being the best television program ever made. Sales of Stealthvape’s Gravity Drive™ continued despite concerns over Rob developing an evil sentience and telepathic abilities. Meanwhile vaping commentators predicted that 2016 would be the year electronic cigarettes finally achieve political and public health endorsement.

Brundlefly Tech re-released January’s JDT mod with a special edition bumbag, retailing at half a million pounds.

 

 

Anyone venturing onto the Vapefest website will be greeted with the following message: “Retune your browser in February for an exciting announcement ” I’ll make no bones about it: I love Vapefest. I can’t begin to fathom all of the hard work that must go into arranging an event that becomes exponentially more popular.

One of the main drawbacks of the vaping world is that so much of our interaction is online. We buy and sell through websites while posting memes on forums yet mini-meets are always great fun, just like the big one in August. But this year we are going to have even more opportunities to get together.

On the 25^th of this month groups of vapers will be standing outside BBC buildings to mark the first year since people tried to raise the profile of vaping in the news. It was due to take place on the 11^th but moved following the recent tragic events in France. You can discover further details on the Facebook events page.

Come May and there’s Vape Jam being held at London Olympia on the 8^th and 9^th. Still waiting for the list of vendors confirmed so far but all of the 300 free tickets were snapped up quickly. The event is being organised by Amir Saeed and Maria Borissova. Time will tell if vapers used to going to Vapefest for free are willing to pay up to £75 for entry.

The following month brings the Ecig Expo to Harrogate on June 27^th. It’s free to get in on Saturday for members of the public with a trade-only session on the Sunday. I’ve never been to Harrogate so this one is already marked up on my calendar.

Will we be gathering in Shropshire again for Vapefest 2015 come August? Will it be at the Showground? Will there be camping? How many sore heads will there be the day after the night before? If past years are anything to go by then people will be leaving VF15 with bags loaded with new juices to try and new vaping kit to play with. Plus, of course, memories of a cracking weekend with friends and like-minded people.

Rounding up the year is Tabexpo in London, running from 20^th-23^rd October. Primarily a tobacco industry event; Smok, Kanger, Hangsen, Kamry and a number of other Chinese manufacturers will be in attendance – it will be interesting to see what they are pitching by way of vaping products to Big T.

Also, mini-meets will be dotted about around the country. It’s going to be a great year for vapers who like to get out, about and share a drink or two. Where are you planning on going?

 

 

My answer at the outset is an unequivocal ‘No‘ but that isn’t to downplay the spirit that does exist throughout groups of vapers. Let me explain:

As we’ve grown in numbers we’ve become groups within a collective. Not all supporters of a football club share the same feelings regarding the manager, the tactics or the signings just as no all teams in a league have the same goal. Some board members seek cup glory; some would like to win a championship while others prefer to fixate on the lofty aspirations of midtable mediocrity. But fans of all scarf colours love football.

It’s impossible to expect 2.1million+ people to share the identical values and outlooks. I don’t know if it’s a Christmas hangover, the realisation that life is the same as it was before the country spent a week drunk, but vaping social media appears to be a tad tetchy.

I’ve not seen groups of 18350 enthusiasts rounding and lambasting 26650 fans, but there’s whinging about plenty of other irrelevant topics. It really doesn’t matter if someone prefers cotton to mesh in a genny, at the time of checking no rulebook can be found on the matter. Likewise, if a person gains a huge amount of pleasure from blowing a cumulonimbus in their living room then why should that put anyone else’s nose out of joint?

Some people love politics; they care passionately about this aspect of vaping whereas others (as in life) prefer a back seat. It really doesn’t matter that everyone isn’t engaged in campaigning because the odds are they don’t share the same perspective on methods or objectives. Mechs or 150V regulated devices? Surely the point is simply to not be smoking regardless of the device? Oh, and to be enjoying it. And not to call anyone Shirley unless that is their given name.

The reason for raising this is that I’ve seen so many positive things come from vapers interacting on the Internet. Vapers with broken or stolen kit frequently get offered up loans or free replacements in Facebook groups and on forums. One forum, with a reputation for being a bit of a rough house, raised a fortune for a disabled man and his family who suffered a break-in/robbery with violence – generosity extending far beyond spirit.

The thing is that it isn’t just confined to vape matters. The huge hearts full of compassion on another vape forum have a thread dedicated to mental health issues. Such kind words of mutual support are offered up that you would be hard pushed to find outside of the vape sphere – in fact be slaughtered for on a number of other interest forums I belong to.

We aren’t a community; we’re a cross-section of society and a right mixed bag as a result. There will be chancers and ne’er-do-wells, but likewise there are people and tales to melt your heart. Some of us may never meet in the real world but genuine and fulfilling virtual friendships develop.

And the humour: I can guarantee several full-blown laughing fits every day thanks to my virtual vaping chums. So, we may not be a community in my eyes but we are legion and so many of you make my days the pleasure that they are. So, thank you.

 

 

I have taken huge, puerile delight in plonking all manner of sauce bottles onto our table ever since – including the loathed brown sauce that we’ve not touched after opening it in 1983. I exaggerate; it’s what I do, so that’s another reason why they probably asked me to go.

That said, I make a point of always holding doors open for people following me. Sometimes to the point of hanging around while they meander in my direction and despite the muffled grunts which may or may not translate to “thank you”.

I don’t speak with my mouth full, I rest my cutlery when I’m not shovelling food and I refrain from telling every idiot I meet that they are a challenged individual requiring immediate repositioning to a part of the world I’m not occupying. I’m nice like that, see?

It’s manners.

It’s remembering to say thank you when someone gives you something – even if it’s hideous. It’s smiling when your partner tells you about their day and nodding and humming in the appropriate places despite the football being on. It’s saying “Yes, that’s a brilliant plan” when forced to watch Enchanted by the girl for the fifteenth time.

It’s being the opposite of Lisa Watson the vaper. Note: This opinion is mine and does not reflect the views held by Rob or Emma Stealthvape.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Lisa says, “I was in Morrisons a couple of days ago, took a couple of puffs and was told by a member of staff to get out.”

I’m going to gloss over the whole bit where Lisa was shopping in Morrisons in the first place, some of you may like the store – some of you may work there. Good for you. I’m not going to mention that they only ever seem to have one till open and staff it with someone who was too lethargic to be employed in KFC (the company resolutely trying to remove the tags ‘fast’ and ‘food’ from fast food). Nor am I going to mention the fresh vegetables that resemble a biology lab experiment by the time they’re unpacked at home.

“I was pretty annoyed, but when I rang Morrisons head office they said it’s company policy across the whole country. I think it’s disgusting. I spend over £300 a month there, but I won’t be going back – I’ll take my custom somewhere else.”

I’m pretty sure Morrisons are concerned but their £17billion+ turnover might just help them cope with the bitter news that Lisa is off to Tesco. Sure, they might be dim when they say “We feel it’s right to protect those who don’t want to be exposed to second-hand smoke from e-cigarette vapours” – but what sort of person acts as if it is their right to vape wherever they want?

Hmm, condescension: tag that onto the list of things that ticked my parents off.

A rule of thumb for me has always been not to vape wherever I wouldn’t have smoked. No one but those bent on conflict would walk around a supermarket puffing on a fag. Given that Morrisons have a sign banning vaping, you’d have though that if you can’t make it the whole way through a shop without a nicotine fix you’d do a crafty stealthy number or nip off to the toilets….or use something like the outstanding Coke mod.

I guess we all have our personal set of rules for this kind of thing, but whenever I’ve seen the subject raised almost all of us are in agreement. I feel that whereas we know the relative dangers posed by vaping, and the non-existent impact on others, there is still a battle for acceptance. I don’t see confrontation and entitlement winning any hearts and minds – of course, I’m perfectly happy to be wrong if you disagree. That’s me being polite and using a sense of decorum.

Now while I go and pop the ketchup back into the kitchen cupboard can someone organise a bus? We need to go sit out in Taunton’s Tesco next week, I’ve a feeling it could be good entertainment. I can’t apologise for it, it’s the wicked streak I was born with; my parents should have understood.

 

 

Like most people, when I’m meant to be getting on with something productive – you know, the kind of thing that pays bills and keeps the wife happy – I wander. It’s just far too easy to open a browser and search for donkey-juggling images (or a guide to building an explosive bag filled with dog excrement for forum members who rip others off with trades) while I’m sitting at the keyboard.

Which is why I was delighted to stumble across the Asch Conformity Experiment.

I’m sure we’re all well aware of the Stanford prison experiment. It’s the one where people were selected to take on the roles of prisoners and guards in a mock prison…and the guards were encouraged to enforce authoritarian measures and ultimately subject some of the prisoners to psychological torture.

If you aren’t familiar with it, you can see that a similar experiment is being carried out by Channel 5 where they are the guards and Celebrity Big Brother is the torture weapon.

There’s this well-known RTA brand, see. I owned not one but two of them; buying the first was a simple response the praises being sung, but the second? Honestly, I’ve no idea. I thought I really liked it but I didn’t – I hated it. The flavour produced was sorely lacking when compared to the market leader and it was such a pig when it was time to recoil.

But I persisted.

Eventually I sold one after a want ad went up and the second quickly followed suit in response to a personal message. It’s left me wondering what on earth I was thinking; what possessed me to stick with something I knew was a let-down? Anybody watching the recent series of Prime Witness or The Walking Dead Series #2 (Hershel’s farm) will know exactly where I’m coming from.

“Imagine yourself in this situation: You’ve signed up to participate in a psychology experiment in which you are asked to complete a vision test. Seated in a room with the other participants, you are shown a line segment and then asked to choose the matching line from a group three segments of different lengths. The experimenter asks each participant individually to select the matching line segment. On some occasions everyone in the group chooses the correct line, but occasionally, the other participants unanimously declare that a different line is actually the correct match. So what do you do when the experimenter asks you which line is the right match? Do you go with your initial response, or do you choose to conform to the rest of the group?”

I’ve always considered myself to be a freethinking non-conformist, it says so on my underpants, but I’m obviously not. I am some kind of human-Borg/sheep just going along with the collective mind. Everyone else tells me the atty is awesome then it must be me who is wrong and I really do enjoy vaping with it.

Only I didn’t, I really didn’t.

So, with the knowledge that I am as sentient as a Page 3 model in a reality show I am putting in place plans to avoid future errors of judgement: Hereonin I’m only going to buy things everyone else says is rubbish. Thank you Solomon Asch.

 

 

My childhood was made up of amassing football cards and Panini stickers. Years were measured in collecting albums with my all-time favourite falling in 1977, the year of punk. Buck-toothed supposed athletes with bad perms and dodgy facial hair littered my waking moments. For the best part of Secondary school the only words I uttered in public were: “Got got got want got got got got want got got want want got got got…”

Cards and stickers were replaced by 2000AD and Marvel comics, there must have been a point I dabbled in the DC world but it never took root. There has to be something wrong with people who dreamt up Aquaman – a superhero who lived in an underwater fishing boat and who’s primary ability was the power to read the minds of fish? Come on. Being able to tell that Flipper is feeling a tad frisky is hardly the kind of stuff to enrapture a teenager in middle England.

Comics made way for graphic novels and books. It wasn’t enough to read 1984, I had to discover and own everything by Orwell; the same for HG Wells, Alan Moore, Iain Banks and the rest. Then came music and motorbikes – at one point there were eight in the garage and one parked up by the side of the house.

And this has progressed into vaping, much to the wife’s disappointment. I think she was hoping midlife would bring about a desire to collect DIY skills or see me developing a mutual appreciation for the works of celebrity TV chefs. But I’ve hit a snag.

Whereas it was easy to define what I would collect in my formative years I’m struggling with vape gear. To begin with it was Pinoy mechs and attys; I fully appreciate that some find their take on design, well, err, challenging. But there was one thing I knew for certain – I didn’t like the plain British design. That was like Aquaman as a metal tube.

And then I did, consequently it was mods from Europe that filled my rack. There was no way I was going for any of that regulated nonsense though until I had an epiphany. Tubes were suddenly outnumbered by boxes…before boxes became outnumbered by tubes. Rather than a bar chart graph of likes, my purchasing history resembles a three-dimensional sine wave after a child covered in jam and dried Weetabix has attacked it.

I’ve tried one in/one out strategies, one purchase a month techniques, just trading gear approaches and an outright ban on buying anything else – nothing seems to work because there’s always something interesting. No one needs fifteen mods and attys, a drawer full of batteries and boxes loaded with juice bottles but I just can’t stop; asking me not to collect things is like asking Katie Hopkins to stop writing guff.

Now, what I really need is a DNA40. I know this because I’ve said in the past that I don’t want one.

 

 

I’m of an age where people have come into and left my life, some have stuck around for the long haul while others were never more than bit-part characters. My vaping journey this year has followed a similar model. As a kid I’d collect footy programs, that was easy because despite being different they were all similar – the only thing that changed was the collecting set. Originally it was one club, then the FA Cup before transforming into comics. Comics became graphic novels, graphic novels became authors and my compulsive collecting continued.

It’s train spotting and stamp collecting in a different form and I know there’ll be plenty who will line up to poke fun at it. A friend in the village frequently makes fun of my mod rack – but then she spends her life on an allotment moving mud from one place to the next. It hurts no one, I’m OK with being anal about my vape interest.

What has struck me across the past twelve months is that there’s a clear distinction between mod and atty collecting, for me. Atomisers fill a clear need; the wicking and airflow are crucial to their operation – one that works well doesn’t need to be aesthetically appealing, although that features as a secondary consideration. Mods can have any of a number of key features I look for but the appearance is a powerful factor in deciding whether or not to buy and/or keep.

Drippers don’t tick boxes, the bulk of my time vaping is done when working at the keyboard so I want things I can pick up and put down without fussing around dropping liquid onto wicks. The fact that I only own an Igo-W speaks volumes about what I need from a dripper – it tests new juices and that’s it.

The RBAs that won out across the months were the ones that weren’t over-engineered, the ones that weren’t hideous and the ones that didn’t make me so frustrated every time I coiled them. Most that have gone also had the infuriating ability to dry wick or flood during use. Consequently my Kayfun collection grew and grew; an atomiser that is now the de facto benchmark for all other RBAs. Aside for the KFLs there’s a Heron on the rack: a classic design, simple to build and 100% leak and faff free.

It’s not the Heron I had at the start of the year; its purchase was forced by the succession of purchase failures after I’d traded the original one on. Some say you should never go back but, not having tried the Squape-R, the Heron remains my RBA of 2014.

Gennys have been plentiful this year; so many outstanding attys that it’s impossible to list them all off and far too many to keep on the vape stand. All of the ones I didn’t rate suffered from a similar issue: none of them had a reduced cap. The genny can be a cloud producer but it’s all about the flavour for me.

The Hellfire Mini Megas both delivered great vape, the Pandora Shadow is stunning to look at and a blissful experience and only left the building due to their diameters not fitting in with the mods. I’d thoroughly recommend both.

It’s the Sat22 V3 and Origen genny V2 that tie top spot for my RBAs of the year. The Sat22 hits the spot for tight draws and pure flavour, the Origenny for flavour and clouds.  Aside from looks I can’t see how either can be beat as we move forward, I’d happily have another of each when money permits.

So, we come to the mods.

A quick glance on vendor sites demonstrates the incredible variety of devices that now exist for sale; it’s impossible for anybody but a reviewer with access to most of them to give a fitting, balanced overview.

My regulated mod winner delivered on a number of points – it provides current to the coil consistently, it’s strikingly good looking and it was amazingly cheap considering the current prices of high-end devices. I lucked out by picking up a StiG ‘one of a kind’ 18500 wooden DNA20 for less than the cost of a dripper. Personally, I’d love to see more affordable DNA20 and DNA30 mods released next year – but then I’m a confirmed mech user at heart.

Mechs? The Satmod ought to be considered a classic, everyone should have one once. Le Petit Gros is a triumph of simple design, branding and packaging, the Paps V3 is a wonderful combination of switch and Gpin delights but the outright winner for me is the Paps X 1.5. I missed my Lux so much I bought a replacement within a fortnight to complement the stainless version that’s been a constant companion.

The X accommodates any 18-series battery I feel the need to use with its modular design, a blinding switch, the glorious Gpin and has a build quality so many other mods can only dream of. Vapourart struck gold when building this.

So are these the best mods and attys in the world? Maybe they are, possibly they aren’t – it depends on your criteria and needs. Some don’t want to spend this much, others want to spend far more. I’d have loved a titanium X1.5 or a StiG Helix but then I also wanted to try an Ego Twist and an Eleaf.

So, what have I learnt from vaping in 2014?

It doesn’t matter if you have every League Cup Final program, it doesn’t matter if your edition is the original or a reprint. You may not own every Alan Moore graphic novel or the complete works of George Orwell. If you enjoy what you have then that’s good enough.

It doesn’t matter what you vape on or with, the cost is irrelevant. It can be made in China by the millions or by a bloke called Kev on a lathe in Chiswick. You can run cotton, Voodoowool or mesh, you can vape custard or coconut – every cigarette you aren’t smoking is why we are here, everything else is a bonus. This isn’t an aspirational thing, no one vapes better than others because of what they own.

My outright winner in the world of vaping for 2014?

Us.

 

 

My first resolution is going to be that I never buy anything with ‘competition’ in the title. This is like saying I resolve to continue enjoying sex in 2015 (due to the probability that I’m unlikely to be attacked by a 1970s celebrity). I don’t ‘sub’, more power to you if you do, but it’s not something I can be bothered with. So, my resolution is to continue enjoying a Kayfun at 1.3Ω.

“But that’s shit,” you say. “With that resolution you aren’t pushing any envelopes.”

Yes. But if I wanted to do that I’d be working in a stationary shop. I live in my comfort zone with a pair of Springers (at my feet as I type). I like tanks. I’m a tank man. I love being a tank man because it sounds a damn sight more butch than being a Kayfun fanboy. Like a male version of Tankgirl.

So, I also resolve to stop buying everything claiming to be the new Kayfun. They are, it’s not a lie. They are all the products of hard work and clever thinking to answer the ‘how can we build a better Kayfun?’ question. I bought most of them this year but, apart from the Heron, I’m left sitting here with my 3.1 and four KFLs. I’m not even going to buy the new Kayfun that actually is the new Kayfun.

“Shut up, you just aren’t trying.”

Yes, I know. But it’s getting more difficult as we go down the page. I suffer from bi-polar II, GAD and a personality disorder (like you couldn’t guess the last one) – compulsive purchasing is, to me, what annoying the world is to Katie Hopkins, TV non-celebrity. It’s, well, a compulsion. Not buying the new Kayfun will be nigh on impossible no matter how much I attempt to rationalise against it. It will be like trying not to hurl invective into Katie Hopkin’s horse-like face should she pop round for a coffee unannounced.

The same with the whole sub-ohming thing; I’ve found myself drawn to the Kanger Subtank more than any clearo-type atty since I left them. It reminds me of the time I dumped this girl when I was 16. She wasn’t what I was looking for in a girl as she lacked two essential qualities: a) thinking I was brilliant and b) ravaging me on an hourly basis.

Six months later and I saw her again – she’d transformed into a vision of loveliness and I vowed to make her mine. Predictably, she still lacked those two essential qualities; but then ravaging would be off the cards while she found me annoying and repugnant. I wonder then if the looks of the Subtank are simply that, I wonder if it would be another forced, unrewarding relationship destined for frustration and disappointment?

Worse, I’m pretty sure I’m the Subtank in this analogy. Hell, that means I’m a tank. Brilliant. It also means I’m only 3.19 inches long…but when the old-man boyband groupies cluster round they’ll be too interested in basking in my reflected celebrity to care.

Oh sod it. I was going to continue to say how I’m going to spend less on mods and not grab the latest gennys when they come out. I was going to promise to open my mind to the possibilities of ginger and coconut in juice as well…but what’s the point? It’s all nonsense, isn’t it.

I know I’m going to be jumping about trying to buy the new Piccolo despite not having an atty to fit. That will trigger me hunting down some 16mm kit to plonk on top before I remember a week later that I prefer 18350 mech mods. I’ll see a regulated box made with some wood and be throwing my kids onto eBay while making the wife turn tricks outside the village shop.

The only thing vape thing I can resolve to do is continue being irresponsible, impulsive and flip-flopping my opinions on a weekly basis…in short, to continue enjoying the world of vaping as much as I have in 2014. It’s been ace.

 

 

The wonderful thing about being grossly tired, of feeling the bags under your eyes resting on your cheeks, is that you can fully embrace the inner rage. It’s just gone 7am and I’ve managed to shout at both kids, admonish the wife and give the dogs a withering look. My expression won’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed being grumpy but I have a sense of pride that the rabbits will be cowering outside and on their very best behaviour.

But I’m still tired.

I’m tired of public health advocates who don’t care about the public, who pursue agendas for monetary and/or fundamentalist reasons. I’m tired of hearing from individuals who wilfully distort the truth and spread outright lies in order to further their puritanical and dictatorial agendas.

I’m tired of seeing their smug, complacent faces on web pages. I’m weary of their expressions of superiority, their lack of engagement, their bleating about being personally attacked and their bogus conspiracy theories.

They are tinny. Their words, the noise they make, is the irritating background noise of a small radio – the sound produced by a couple of teenage ne’er-do-wells with a mobile phone on public transport.

They don’t support your right to make informed choices, they don’t believe you ought to have the ability to make decisions about what you do to or place into your body. McKee would remove all vaping products from the world if he were placed in charge, saving you from the almost negligible evils of nicotine. He would then celebrate with more pies, fine claret and whatever else contributes to his corpulence.

I’m tired of their hypocrisy.

Even the name ‘McKee‘ has an annoying tinny quality to it. Speaking it aloud is akin to having one of those noise-emitting balloons in the room squealing about. McKeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

Farsalinos, on the other hand, is woody. You can speak his name and add a rich baritone to the final syllable. Brian Blessed could announce him and it would come across as a call to arms.

Reassuringly humorous words like “logorrhea” pepper his responses to these professorial mosquitos. I could never tire of a medical expert who engages with the general public and explains his findings in layman’s terms.

Yes, I’m tired but mainly in a Monty Python way. As the late, great Graham Chapman once said: “I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired.”

 

 

For those of us who didn’t know before, we’ve taught ourselves about Ohm’s Law, experimented with thermal lag and messed with the chemistry of juices. We’ve discovered the quantity of heat retained by a recently torched piece of steel and we’ve investigated capillary action by using different substrates.

Vaping is a wonderful series of science lessons that don’t involve landing on a comet but there is a limit and I’ve reached mine. As much as I adore discovering new things I can’t stand having to relearn. In the last couple of years I’ve experimented with wires and wicks, mods and attys, to find a vape that really works for me. During this time I’ve found more stuff that doesn’t hit the spot than kit that does, but that’s OK.

Back in another life when I used to pretend to work for a chemical company, I shared an office with the only line manager I’ve never fallen out with. We’ll call him Harry because Harry is a nice name – and because that’s what he was called.

Harry used to be a jazz musician and instead of drumming up new revenue for our mass-murdering corporation we’d sit with guitars as he taught me something new. The moment in time I’m thinking of now was much more car than guitar-based. I was choosing my new company motor from the list applicable to my station in company life.

“The thing is, Dave” Harry began, “is that the more complex a car is the more there is to go wrong with it.” He knew what he was talking about as he’d just spent a week with his electric window stuck open thanks to a piece of fried circuitry. As the man who signed all of my ridiculously inflated expenses sheets I was always prepared to do Harry’s bidding – standard Sierra estate with wind-up windows it was. I was OK with that, cars rank as one of the least important things in life.

So I sit in conflict: a gadget lover who abhors advances in technology. I love simplicity; it’s what drives me to prefer a mech to the regulated mod. In recent months I’ve added a couple of VWs to the desk and found myself being drawn to them. Actually, given the times I’ve used them I would say I prefer them – I’m embracing the ability to coil higher resistances and run the battery longer.

I thought about a new DNA40 device. And then I discounted it.

It’s not the styles or the cost, it’s not the teething problems with the chip or any reported issues with build quality of certain devices. No, I just don’t want to go back to coiling school. I don’t want to repeat the cycle of trial, fail, learn, retry, fail again…I just want to vape. I feel a kinship with those who never leave the comfort of the eGo starter kit, the warm security blanket of the familiar.

I’m happy to forgo the acquisition of new stuff pushing the old learning out of my brain, I’m content to not hang at the cool kids table. In fact the only thing that unsettles me is that the words ‘I Am A Luddite Vaper‘ scan too easily into a song by The Wurzels.