Hardly a week goes by on another forum where some gentleman, they always seems to be a male, has suffered what they perceive to be outstandingly bad service. Given that every reputable vendor lists their phone number on their website I can only presume that the UK telephony network is currently creaking like a middle-aged man getting out of a chair. I struggle to think that someone would weight up the option of getting an instant response and willingly opt to write 50 words somewhere that someone is unlikely to read them. And then get really angry there’s been no reply. The solution is simple.

Bored of having a smattering of anonymous people typing abuse on the Internet when someone accuses you of not posting your trade? The resolution can be this swift: Trial by Fire. The process is modest enough; a quad coil is heated using a fresh battery until white-hot then applied to the skin. After three days, when the bandages have been removed, if the skin is starting to heal then it will be clear to all that your wife did indeed post the parcel. Conversely, revealing a festering burn will prove to all that she didn’t lose the receipt from the Post Office because there never was one.

“My mod arrived and didn’t work properly,” might be your complaint. Fear not – Trial by Water will sort everything. After filling the mod with lead it will be tossed into the nearest lake. The serenely floating device will cause the onlooking crowd to gasp with delight and send the vendor rushing to get their chequebook. On the other hand, if it sinks faster than Aston Villa then everyone will know you dropped it when pulling it from the packaging.

Someone sent you a clone and claimed it was genuine? The vendor sent you their shipment of packing materials instead of your order? A person laughed at a picture of a coil you made? A viewer didn’t like your YouTube review? For these and all other situations not yet covered we offer the final solution: Trial by Combat.

For too long disputes like this have (not been) settled by who could type the most swear words into an email. Like Leon Humphreys, we think Trial by Combat is the reasonable way to settle the matter. When faced with a DVLC £25 fine, Leon offered to take on a clerk from Swansea with “samurai swords, Ghurka knives or heavy hammers”.

We can recognise common sense even if the magistrates in Bury St Edmunds can’t – and we’re sure you agree. If you’d like to offer these solutions to people you sell to or trade with then be advised we will be stocking an excellent range of gibbets, stocks, ropes and pointy things. 700 years ago is the future and the future is medieval.

The thing is it’s true. Science is grounded in errors and mistakes, a process of coming up with a theory and then finding a hundred ways it doesn’t work. Without the scientific process we wouldn’t have cars, microwave popcorn or regulated mods. Without science I wouldn’t have been able to buy an Austin Princess. I wouldn’t have been able to buy it, drive it 40 miles up the M1 and then wait for a recovery vehicle to take it to its final resting home. Stupid science.

Many take up vaping like it’s the same as buying a new computer – that you can turn it on, it works and if it doesn’t you can stand in Comet shouting loudly on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe this is the experience for most; maybe my journey has been different?

My journey is one where I’ve forgotten to replace the head in an Evod and watched the juice pour all over the table. It’s OK, I told myself, as this was a valuable lesson in how not to be an idiot. If you discover that something is stupid then don’t do that thing again.

To date I’ve only bought one bread maker, one yoghurt maker, one ice cream maker and got married once so I am clearly good at learning. The prosecution would probably like to enter that I have two children, owned two Moto Guzzis and frequently consume curries that don’t agree with me in the morning into evidence. Stupid prosecutors.

It probably depends on the severity of the consequence as to how much importance you attach to the error and the efforts you go to in order not to repeat it. I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only one who has tried to drive and vape a subohm dripper ONCE before being consumed by blind panic. Being told to touch an electric fence “because it’ll be a laugh and we’ve all done it” is one of those. I remain proud of the fact that I declined to use my testicles.

I’ve had this dalliance with high wattage regulated mods, it seemed like fun. It wasn’t. It transpires I’m a very simple type with simple needs – the kind that are provided by a mech and a dripper. Staring at the instruction for preheating coils and customising the on-going wattage reminded me of the time I laughed at my Dad for being unable to program a video recorder. If you’d placed me in a plaid cardigan and put confused beads of sweat on my brow it’d have been identical. Stupid regulated devices.

The scope for error seems to be logarithmic with those boxes and none more so than when thinking I was increasing the vape by 0.3 watts. Pre-sets: what the Hell?! Instead of the 11.3W I was planning in my head (as I clicked without looking) I got 125W of cotton torching fury. So I think I’ve learnt the lesson that high-powered boxes and me do not go together.

Although the opportunity is slim, I’d never attempt sarcasm in Spanish to the police of Caracas again. Learning lessons at the blunt end of a nightstick in a basement isn’t particularly pleasant but I’m betting such an approach would have made my classes able to cite Newton’s law of Universal Gravitation. Not sure how that applies to vaping at all, but it’s a theory that could work. If someone sees me holding a regulated mod again please hit me.

I don’t lament the passing of the CE2 top coil atomiser in my affections any more than I miss spending hours carefully splicing out the ruined sections of a C90 cassette before manually winding miles of tape back in. Actually, stop right there, upon reflection the tape splicing kit I got one Christmas was an awesome gift. I’d no idea how to use most of the bits and the tape was inevitably gone beyond retrieval…but it was the nearest thing to my first ever toolkit.

And while I’m on about C90s – I really miss my ghettoblaster, my Amiga and my Minidisc player. Minidiscs were awesome: write, rewrite, digital and all wrapped up in a nice protective case. So awesome, in fact, that I still don’t understand why the rest of the world didn’t buy into the idea.

Coming from a dim and distant time when Top of the Pops albums were as authentic as the bands appearing on the show I really love gadgets and retain a love of almost all of the ones that are no longer with us.

Which is why I’m concerned in vaping terms.

My first step up from clearos and basic regulateds was to a Kayfun on top of a Nemesis. I remember asking people why anybody would bother with a mech mod when my Vamo appeared to deliver everything anybody could want. A thought echoed by my wife who believed that such expense should not be repeated.

But move to mechanicals I did, and loved it. There is something delightfully basic, forever ready for the apocalypse, about them and yet they display a range of design features from functional to the aesthetic. At one point I was holding over twenty on the desk, some I’ve even replaced after selling on more than one occasion.

The thing was I could, we all could, because once you bought into the concept of getting a ridiculously expensive metal tube you always knew you’d be able to move it on or swap it with someone equally deluded.

But deluded no more, so it seems. I’m looking at the sales section of a popular forum. I’m looking at it and seeing brand mechs struggling to sell for £50, mechs that used to fly out of threads the second they were advertised for double that.

In one, a once rare and highly sought after “elitist” brand is sitting without any love being expressed. Not for the first time, a Hellfire struggling to find a new home; it has been the same story for a few months now. The writing was on the wall once the Nemesis ceased to obtain £100, then £80 and now an asked for £60 seems optimistic.

We live in a new vaping world, progress in chip output and features have killed the mech market, in conjunction with a shift in the way most vapers vape. Only a handful of us appear to enjoy just vaping for taste with 1.2Ω+ coils. Atomisers being released onto the market come with ever-larger air holes and vapers pump as much power as they can manage through coils.

But I still love my mechs, they do the job I want them to. I don’t burn cotton on top of mechs and I love the physical interaction with the battery, as I, via the sense cells in my mouth, become a biological voltmeter.

The powers that be in tech refer to the decline of products in terms of decreasing “windows of utility”. Although the satnav is as dead as Python’s parrot satellite navigation continues. Is the window of utility being closed on mech devices? Will we now see companies switching off their lathes as demand ebbs?

In a spirit of defiance I’m going to pop an Igo-W onto the Petit Gros and go off to the garage – somewhere up there is my old Minidisc player.

*An updated opinion has been posted here on 5th June 2015 due to developments in the industry

Customer demand resulting from the update means that we will now stock wire for them. It will be found here when in stock.

Stealthvape is always on the hunt to bring vapers the best quality product and the next best thing in vaping tech; in 2012 we thought titanium wire could be one such product. Samples were sent out to friends and colleagues but we decided to pull it from sale prior to launch.

It sounded awesome, but languishing in a room in Stealthvape Towers now lays 30,000 metres of never-to-be-used top grade titanium wire. Rob made the decision because, in his words, “it’s probably bordering on irresponsibility selling the stuff.”

The wire does produce a cleaner tasting vape than compared to something like Kanthal but when put up against Kanthal or tempered Ni200 it’s incredibly springy to work with.

And then there are the flames…

If it’s overheated either by dry burning or torching it will burst into flame in a cool chemical fire kind of way not dissimilar to magnesium ribbon. Titanium is a component of fireworks for the white sparks. Metal fires such as this require a Class D fire extinguisher, not something commonly found in most vapers homes.

Given this poses a huge safety aspect we could not be confident selling it. We are certain that our insurers (who already place a huge financial burden on suppliers to the vape market) would refuse to cover us selling something we considered potentially dangerous. Although the insurance is not a legal requirement and does not direct what we sell we feel it is a moral aspect that our customers deserve.

Rob adds: “I’m a big fan of the concept of Ti and was super stoked to stock it, sort of felt like I was breaking new ground as I’ve always been on a mission to discover new things. I just think it’s a Dragon that’s best left sleeping.”

The proliferation of high wattage devices or the prospect of a genny hotspot taking a wire to ignition temperature is just too much of a risk. The likelihood is that in the new Evolv temperature-protected mods the wire poses much less of a hazard as it will not oxidise as quickly or be pushed to ignition temperature.

Which brings us to the topic of coil oxidation and TiO2, titanium dioxide.

In 2014, the small amounts of TiO2 in a brand of eliquid caused the producer to operate a full recall following heated debate in online vaping forums. We mention this here not because we are experts in the vaping of liquids containing TiO2 but because newer vapers may be unaware of the discussions. Our primary concern was the safety of the wire in use, this is a secondary but related matter.

JustPoo, a respected member of the UKVapers forum, carried out a brief test to look at the oxidation rate of Ti wire: “I wrapped a standard coil, none of the wraps are touching and it came in at 0.12ohms. I then vaped pure VG on it for 20 minutes, taking 1-2 second drags, always keeping the wick wet and never getting a dry hit or letting it get too hot.”

“I put a fresh wick in for the picture so it was a fair comparison. The coil has changed colour and it looks very much like oxidisation. The resistance has also risen to 0.13ohms.”

“In this test I was careful to make sure the coils didn’t overheat. We’ve all had a dry hit or lean vape by accident, so during normal usage it’s possible the oxidisation would be worse. Titanium oxide is particularly toxic and seems to be produced at normal vaping temperatures, so I won’t be using titanium as a safer alternative to Kanthal.”

The material safety data sheet (MSDS) for Titanium dioxide states: “Mutagenic for mammalian somatic cells. The substance may be toxic to lungs, upper respiratory tract. Repeated or prolonged exposure to the substance can produce target organs damage.”

In relation to the withdrawn eliquid containing TiO2, Dr Farsalinos states: “First of all, titanium dioxide was probably used as a food colouring. It is really unfortunate that there are companies using food colourings in their products. These substances have NEVER been tested for inhalation, do not offer anything in terms of flavour or experience to the vaper and are only used for aesthetic purposes (if there is any real reason for making the liquid more colourful). Using something that has never been tested for inhalation purposes in order just to make the e-liquid ‘look better’ is AT LEAST an irresponsible behaviour. Using food colourings introduces an unknown, potentially dangerous factor, for absolutely no reason. It does not promote the experience and pleasure perceived by consumers. For titanium dioxide, it is officially classified as a probable carcinogen when inhaled.

Vapers should avoid such products.”

Stealthvape are not saying ‘do not use titanium wire’, we just won’t sell you any. Vape safe 🙂

The entire framework of those opposed to vaping in its current form isn’t geared to discourse. With every press release, tweet and public speaking event they cloak themselves in the colours of attacking to seek victory, not discover a truth.

And when not holding a popular stance, they will strive to appear as though their opinion is the majority view and thereby demand all others accede to it. When Farsalinos and 52 others wrote to the World Health Organisation in 2014 it was sent with the intention of addressing a collective opinion of the flawed science behind the WHO’s stance. The key points from Stanton Glantz’s rebuttal were that he had 129 names on his letter and they came from 31 countries.

That was more or less it – a reductionist approach to scientific debate relying solely on ‘there are more of us than you’…ignoring the important fact that his bunch of names had contributed nothing by way of accepted peer-reviewed study. He may as well have threatened to get his Dad because he’s bigger than Farsalinos’.

The stories currently circulating about mice, formaldehyde and the gateway effect are nothing more than argumentum ad populum straw men. They aren’t beliefs, they aren’t grounded in science – they are fallacies trotted out with the hope they become popular urban myths with the public and that the received opinion will be trotted out in pubs and workplaces across nations.

Look at the reputations of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Llama (Penn & Teller’s debunking show) and Florence Nightingale (SN.com). Public perception, the will of the majority, is open to manipulation by those who would seek to gain from it – and public health officials in league with pharmaceutical companies are seeking big gains. On that note, I strongly recommend The Missionary Position by Peter Hitchens.

This isn’t a new situation, it’s how decisions that effect our daily actions have always been made – but I sense change. The idea of social media appealed to the vanities of those occupying lofty positions, they signed up to spew their thoughts to the masses without a thought to how the network of individuals operate.

The frustration being experienced by McKee, Chapman and Ashton (being inexperienced at dealing with criticism) has led to frequent ad hominem outbursts. Glantz was moved to scribe an entire letter personally attacking Farsalinos.

Some call for greater action from vapers to combat proposed legislation but, from my perspective, ecig-related networks are already buzzing. The political decision process is similar to that for consumer decision making – needs recognition, information, evaluation and then the decision. Twitter, forums and Facebook open this up to us, the great unwashed. Research is digested and spat out in easy to understand sound bites as fast as it appears in print. We have access to counter-comments and online feedback sections rapidly fill with pro-vaping comments.

In fact, I barely remember seeing a website poll where vapers hadn’t swamped to skew the result. This drip-feeds public opinion, this is the battleground. Glantz is never going to admit to his errors of judgement or the backhanders he takes – but politicians fear the voting masses.

The journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, Social Networking (the go-to source in the field of cyberpsychology) details how a comment section influences audience perception of online articles. Regardless of the level of coherence or abuse, it’s the prevailing feeling from others towards a piece that influences other readers.

Will this see the end to the tyranny of the majority? Unlikely, but we may be about to see some compelling evidence to support Olsen’s conjectures in his The Logic of Collective Action: Public Goods and the Theory of Groups.

So continue to ridicule, deconstruct and refute, you mighty activists. It may seem as though many aren’t motivated to join in but maybe this shouldn’t be seen as a full-time thing? As long as those tweets, posts and replies keep racking up we changing opinion one syllable at a time. I may not be in the vanguard of campaigning – but I’m a very interested bystander who’ll chip in with comments now and then.

An odd opening for a blog post about the bullying tactics of a Big T company and an impending name change for the OCD range of products sold on the website but I’m certain all will become clear as the sentences roll by.

If you are reading this on the Stealthvape blog then you’ll already be familiar with the popular OCD washers and OCD connectors. Rob spent ages wrestling with the design concepts before getting them produced – an original product put together and sold by a British vaping company.

The name was highly appropriate given the shudders that accompany the sight of an atomiser perched above a mod with a large gap screaming “I’m sooooo wrong!” A name so apt Rob sought and obtained an official trademark from the Intellectual Property Office for it.

“So,” you’re asking “what’s all this OCD name change stuff?” Well you are asking that or busy removing some errant Kanthal from a bare toe. In order to answer that question you need to ponder a different one: where do bullies go to work when they grow up?

Lucy in the Charlie Brown comic strips – who on Earth would employ such a venal excuse for girlhood? Nelson from the Simpsons, that git from the Karate Kid and Biff from Back To The Future; no one in their right mind would hire these sociopaths.

The answer, dear friends, is that all of them go on to qualify as lawyers and make a fat living in the legal departments of tobacco companies. Even Draco Malfoy is a work experience lad in one. Honest. He is kept busy every day by Jabba the Hutt LLB.

It was probably Lord Sauron who dictated the letter send from Republic Technologies International complaining about the letters OCD. Apparently this company find the letters far too similar to their OCB brand. What do you mean you’ve never heard of OCB? Everyone must have heard of their fag papers. No? Oh, I’m not alone then.

The OCD trademark is for: “Class 34 Electronic cigarettes; components, parts and accessories for the aforesaid goods.”

The OCB trademark is for: “Class 14 Jewellery, fashion jewellery, timepieces.
Class 25 Clothing, footwear, headgear. Class 34 Tobacco, including smoking tobacco, cigarettes, smokers’ articles, including cigarette paper in booklets or in tubes, automatic boxes for rolling cigarettes, cigarette-rolling machines, tube-filling machines, filter tips, metal cases.”

So, the brands have different names, are aimed at different markets and are fundamentally totally different products. This matters little to RepTech and they demanded a removal of the OCD brand name. Given a pot of money to fight an expensive legal case it seems abundantly clear that Damien Thorn and his legal associates would be laughed out of court.

Politeness forbids me from using the exact words I’d commonly opt for to describe the company and their actions. But then nouns, as Homer Simpson illustrated, can be interchangeable. Which means that I can say, without fear of contradiction, that RepTech and their lawyers are a bunch of roses. Just my opinion as the author of this article and not that of Stealthvape, one which you might agree with or not.

A bunch of roses, crapweeds, stink blossoms and scumdrops.

Such was the life in breakfast cereals. Once a year we would all travel from the regions and congregate in the utopia known as Coventry. Quite how this city has not been blessed with an accreditation for its attractiveness and finery eludes me. Ah, wonderful Coventry. Or, as I prefer to call it, Not-quite-Birmingham.

Nameless figures congregated in the hotel lobby, all boasting of how they managed to get an extra listing of a bran flake in their local Co-op against all the odds. And to a man, despite their tales of retail heroics, they hung back from returning to their rooms to freshen up before the wonder of the final night feast. They were scared. They were petrified.

The hotel carpet was made of that material they show you in Science class when you were not learning about static electricity because your sudden rush of hormones made other things far more interesting. The lift on the other hand was constructed of the finest metallic conductors engineers could find. It was an awesome conjunction of stupidity and bad planning. Slowly, one by one, the sounds of “Ow”, “Shit” and “Oooyah bas…” filled reception each time the lift button was pressed.

My mind recalled the happy event when I first saw the draft regulations for ecig advertising last week. I always wondered what hotel designers did once the building was complete – and now I know: they come up with the stupidest, most unenforceable plans for controlling the discussion of vaping.

Some people lament the long-gone days when vaping was a small, close-knit community. Enthusiasts would share their discoveries and try to come up with their own. By virtue of the vape pioneers and their open-source mind-set an industry grew. With it, a community of ex-smokers all asking the same questions on a monthly rotation as new vapers experienced the same dry hit last week’s vapers had. The community, through social media, has been a support network, information resource and centre of inspiration to millions. It has and would continue to be vital but idiots want to take it away, they’d like to see the likes of vape groups on Facebook banned.

It’s been a tough week although not one that is in any way unique, we all have them: I’ve had cars blind me on country roads, lorries pull out on me and a puppy leaving presents on the landing carpet. Presents that could only be found with the aid of a naked foot on its way to make the first cup of coffee of the day. There’s been a stream of people delivering parcels but not one of them was for me containing an exciting vape purchase. A real 1^st-world problem kind of tough week. And then I had a flash fire in a Block 454 mid-inhale.

Fire in the mouth is not something I can say I’m used to. I’ve had many things in my oral cavity, some of them not very pleasant, but never fire. It would be nice to think that the new regulations don’t prevent vapers in the future from being able to discuss such things in the public domain. Take my ex-regional sales director for example; I don’t know if having fire in the belly is half as perturbing as fire in the mouth but I hope he found someone to help him extinguish it.

It would be nice to think that we could continue with the free trade of information to circumvent or overcome such matters, sharing knowledge is how the world moves forward. If the sales reps had paid attention in class they’d have known not to all wear rubber soled shoes in Not-quite-Birmingham hotels. Criminalising discussion of vape chat in social media is crass, ill-considered and almost entirely unenforceable. Three cheers for the ex-hotel designers, blinding work once again.

Proposed regulations covering what and how ecigs can be advertised means that at some point in 2016 we will no longer be able to say things like “They’re 95% better for you than smoking, so Public Health England say. You know, that body funded by the government.” We won’t be able to say it because officials say so. “Madness”, you say – you don’t know the half of it.

In fact, just holding a cigalike out in the open where a child could see it, where a child may have been or somewhere a child may have dreamt of is set to be banned. To do so after Xmas can result in one from a vast range of harsh punishments: first offenders can expect to be insulted on Twitter by a government minister calling you a health terrorist. Repeat wrongdoers will be on the receiving end of a sound shouting in Argos and an MP will call round to your house to punch your dog in the face. Vapers not owning a dog will be expected to buy a rehomed smoking beagle.

What else can’t I say?

All words appertaining to vaping will be officially removed from the Oxford English Dictionary. No “eliquid”, no “atomiser” and no more “mechanical mods” – the legislation will also be extended so that the ones quoted will have to be removed from this blog and replaced with the words “ocelot”, “flippant” and “Y-fronts”.

You might say: “This sounds excessive?” Just remember that these people are doing it for your own interests and the benefit of all young people. Remember the last time you walked into a room and totally forgot why you were there? Exactly. You’re stupid. Experts know exactly how stupid you are and that the reason was “slippers” but they aren’t going to pop round and tell you – no, they are planning on banning slippers. In the meantime they have been forced to act because 2.8 million vapers are simple being too senseless to continue making their own decisions.

Removing words means that people can’t labour under the misapprehension that they are making “informed” choices. Words that can be used in multiple locations.

Where can’t I say it?

Words that will no longer exist will not be able to be used in posters, television adverts, on social media, on forums, in telephone calls, texts, notes added on to shopping lists or carved into your arm using a rusty knife. Health fascist and pie fan Martin McFly has called the move: “A huge victory for common sense, and will provide my team of snoopers a huge health budget dividend.”

Is there nothing we can do?

Well, that’s the million-dollar question. Vapers and vape companies have a couple of options open to them. First is to use alternative language. In place of saying “ocelot” we can talk about great tasting “Ilford films”. In doing so, as you can see from the advert I’ve mocked up by stealing one from the internet, it is possible to continue with our plan to advertise directly to non-smokers and children. For example: Ilford Films are sold in either HP3 or FP3 heavy depending on whether the “photographer” requires clouds or the sensation of leaping over a tennis net.

Then there’s the smart alternative. While some idiots are looking into transferring their businesses offshore we believe that 2.8 million of us could all chip in and by an island, a vape republic. We can all appreciate that poor neighbours reduce the price of property so if we all go vape in boats off the coat of the Isle of White we could buy it for £94.23.

Yep, vaping is soon to be not as we knew it – it’s time to get creative.

Our hobbies can appear incredibly bizarre to those outside the circle. “From the serenity of casting your rod by a river bank to the joy of hooking a silvery salmon or trout, fishing is a hobby that rewards and rejuvenates,” claims the Silversurfers website. Angling stands as the UK’s most popular pastime and is a market worth over £3billion a year. Now no one appreciates escaping from the family more than I do but I have no idea why someone would run away to a rain-soaked waterway to eat cold beans from a tin.

This is in no way a criticism of those of you who like to tie feathers onto a bit of metal – no doubt you find the reasons I enjoy watching 22 men feigning injury near a football equally impenetrable. We used to have a pair of lodgers for who triathlons were their entire life. Forsaking beer and pizza…going without anything resembling fun in fact…they would vanish every weekend to do whatever it is that a triathlon involves. I’m still unsure of that bit as I used to feign death whenever they’d begin talking about it. Which was a lot, they had to fill in the time when they’d otherwise be having fun somehow.

But I guess I’m becoming them thanks to vaping. Thanks a bunch, vaping.

The other week found me in a local cycle store. My requirements were quite simple; I needed something to carry my bulk, aid me shedding some of it and (most importantly) it had to be black. Unlike Bradley Wiggins, I never found smoking compatible with being able to achieve any level of fitness. I found fags complimented beer and pizza far better than peddling up the Alpe D’Huez. If I’d try to cycle and smoke I’d have been a smouldering, coughing heap on the floor.

I wheeled the thing out of the shop like a kid on Christmas Day. I was going to do the eleven miles home on it but, of course, I had no idea it was eleven miles. In a car it only took a few minutes therefore it had to be damn close. “I would suggest you are very careful if you haven’t ridden for a while,” advised the shopkeeper. Damn, if Mr Benn could get away with ignoring shopkeepers then I’m pretty sure I can too.

All began brilliantly. The sun was out and it was downhill to the reservoir with a flat track all the way around. The air was so crisp. You know how I know? Of course you do – because I vape. The middle and the end sailed by as enjoyably as the first bit. Even if Glantz and his chums refuse to accept anecdotal evidence – we know for a fact that vaping is orders of magnitude better than smoking because we experience it on a daily basis.

We walk further, breath deeper, move freer and can enjoy the benefits of exerci…hang on a minute…are you feigning death? Right, I’m off to peruse an issue of H&E.

The architectural design critic has to be one of the top jobs in the list of Most Utterly Pointless Professions. Some people get paid to look at a building and slag it off in print for not being buildingly enough for them. John Loudon, a Victorian arbiter of design taste, declared that: “To hang an open iron gate to a wooden doorframe is a gross violation.”

People vehemently objecting to particular designs predate Prince Charles and his carbuncle outburst by some measure. Only this week a Guardian journalist was laying in to the government’s Starter Homes Design document as if its authors had stolen his mum’s pension and were responsible for the Erlkönigin.

“There is no doubt whatever about the influence of architecture and structure upon human character and action.We make our buildings and afterwards they make us. They regulate the course of our lives.”
Winston Churchill, addressing the English Architectural Association, 1924

For a long time 3^rd Gen equipment was distinctive by its regional influence and easily identifiable as such. While European manufacturers aimed for a simplicity of form, clean lines and plain steel, Americans broke out the engraving kits to add their own take on flair. Meanwhile, over in the Philippines, mod makers appeared to load up on hallucinogenics and engage in a game of Dare to see who could produce the gaudiest thing possible. The word gaudy predates Antoni Gaudí but it is as though he had a hand in the making of Pinoy mech.

It seems appropriate that the circle features so prominently in mod design, especially given that medieval scholars believed there was something intrinsically divine found in them; our quest for the perfect vape to be found within the set of points on a plane, all equidistant from the centre.

There are many reasons why I value Satburn’s Sat22 atomiser above all the other gear that has drifted through my hands – but none more so than its appearance. There is a glorious Bauhaus quality to it. I find simply looking at it mesmerising, it rewards beyond the vape; an appreciation of the design styles that extend to admiring the concentric circles of the Squape-R spreading out like pond ripples.

Brutalist box mods dominate sales currently, buyers opting for pure functionality in their purchase. As minimalist as they are, as one of the few in the country who adored Northampton’s sadly no more bus station, I adore them. Meanwhile the high end boxes are embracing the C-curve which, when I see it in conjunction with a StiG logo, sings modernism to me.

Of course, some people would say: “shut up talking guff and just vape.”