It is obvious that there’s something special about these places, where else would someone pay over ten pounds for a lump of chocolate shaped like a piece of pipe fitting? We aim to guarantee traditional festive fun and products are more affordable prices – no more weekly shopping bill on some (not very traditional) out of season strawberries on a stick.

What can you all expect from The Stealthvape Festive British Market? Fun. Fun with a capital letter. Big fat entertainment fun featuring a bloke who got kicked off 2009’s Britain’s Got Talent in the first week. Then, just as you think it can’t get any better, there’s that woman who used to be in an all-girl band in 1996 that got to 52 in the charts. Pretty amazing stuff, yeh? It doesn’t end there as we welcome an Elvis impersonator, always popular with the hip young people who know where it’s at. Finally, we close off the night’s enjoyment with a carol sing-along to the accompaniment of Graham, the alcoholic one-armed church organist.

Of course, all of this excitement is going to build up a mighty appetite. Our culinary area focuses on all that is brilliant about British food: kebabs, curry, burgers, hot dogs, jacket potato, cheesy chips, and pie-peas and gravy. That doesn’t sound very festive, you might say? Well worry not, we’ve got that covered as we’re getting into the spirit of it by adding ‘worst‘ to the end of each word. So, roll up and get your traditional kebabworst or snack down on some spectacular cheesychipworsts. Nothing says Stealthvape being totally British and totally December in a cold market than a plate of jacket potatoworst.

Have we forgotten about drink? Not a hope. Super strength lager might be consumed throughout the year but it’s during the cold months that drinkers appreciate its warming properties. At The Stealthvape Festive British Market, you can buy super strength lager in extra large tins. There is also the full range of artificially coloured alcopops and shelves groaning under the weight of pints of Baileys. What we really recommend though is a massive mug of winter Gluetteawein – it’s a traditional mug of warming winter tea combined with the great taste of Buckfast tonic wine and glue.

The only thing left to take care of is shopping for present for those you hold dear. Our crafts area caters to all desires. What self-respecting Brit doesn’t dream of getting involved with a Health & Safety gone mad claims-culture lawsuit? Give them a bag of our chocolate-covered wire clippings. And why buy an expensive wooden toy when every passport-carrying member of these isles loves to DIY. Johnny Foreigner might think you’re carrying a bag of fire kindling, but we know it’s a dollhouse or racing car. Kiss Me Quick hats with the word Santa added in Tippex? Snow globes built down to a price using condoms and ice cubes? You can find the lot at the totally traditional Stealthvape Festive British Market. *Products may be made in China

You will find questions relating directly to past smoking history, health as well as vaping – but all replies are totally anonymous. We will not be tracking any submission, the page is encrypted and we will not ask for any personal identifiers.

You can access the survey by clicking on the image above, following link here or cutting and pasting it into a browser: https://kwiksurveys.com/s/qqxBYm0U

Thanks in advance for taking the time to complete and share it.

It can’t be easy quitting smoking and coming into vaping now. A few years ago there were only a handful of enthusiasts sharing tips to improve the performance of the archaic atomisers and next to no juice makers. The only real choice was which starter kit to buy – and even then they were all pretty much alike.

But times have changed. In place of Enfield we now burst our ribcages with hilarity at the stunningly subtle humour of Keith Lemon. The range of mods, atomisers and juices for noobs is bewildering. So many options, where on Earth can the prospective vaper turn?

Fortunately we are now awash with experts. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been vaping for a few weeks just as long as you’ve watched an out of focus person mumbling on YouTube. We are now all doyens of the vape.

Actually, thinking about it, Doyens of the Vape would be an excellent name for a band. A bit gothy with a propensity for over-dramatizing their songs I grant you, but still a decent name. I’ve suffered from this ailment for a long time now – ever since first being in a band as a teenager. The days when five of us would spend all of our time with three halves in a pub trying to think of a name we could all agree on. I’ve classified things into good and bad band names every day for decades. You know, just in case I form another band “because it’ll save time”. I currently have 3,192 potential names ready for debate. Well, 3193 now with Doyens of the Vape.

The Atomisers, there’s another one. More punky but with a hint of modernity. We’d dress smartish but not wear ties. Or we would wear ties but they could be at a jaunty angle to express our individuality and contempt for The System. I’m not referring to The Man’s system (that oppresses us all) but The System, the 1980’s synth-pop who oppressed our ears. 1802: where and when the phrase “Smash The System” came from.

I received a something this morning from one of the latest hyped-to-death-on-a-forum people. It’s deeply unpleasant. Not as disagreeable as Keith Lemon or The System but displeasing all the same. This was all because a bunch of self-appointed experts told me what I ought to be vaping and like the intellectually challenged puppy I am I did their bidding.

Don’t do that, dear new vaper reading this. Don’t follow people’s advice; plough your own furrow, make your own mistakes and live your own #vapelife. And don’t call your next band The Self Appointed Experts. And don’t do what people tell you to do. Except for this. Because me and my friends know what we’re talking about as “we’ve been the Doyens of the Vape, goodnight!” See? It really works doesn’t it? I’m betting you’re already waving a lighter in the air.

Vapemail is all well and good, but the excitement can quickly fade when things go wrong. What seems like the greatest thing you’ve ever owned can suddenly transform into an object to be beaten with when the receipt is discovered in a wallet. When that thing is a great big DNA40 box it’s a scary scenario.

And that juice everyone raves about? What’s going on with their taste buds? I know I should just buy new juice in 10mls but I’ve got used to buying me-sized bottles these days. What do you do with me-sized bottles full of stuff that vapes like the extract of stale socks?

And what about that atomiser that seemed to be such a great idea until you bought it? Up to the moment you discovered the non-adjustable pin doesn’t make a connection. The realisation that it isn’t going to be plain sailing amplified by it’s almost sentient ability to know that this would be the best moment to dump the contents of the tank over the keyboard.

Thankfully we are vapers – and vapers seem to love nothing more than sticking their noses into other people’s business, laughing at my misfortunes but then, eventually (once they’ve mopped away the tears), offering sound words of advice to rectify the issues.

Here is the week that was, none of which Michael Fish managed to predict and warn me of!

In my world things have been very simple: low ohms are stupid, high watts are stupid and anything larger than a 1.5mm hole is stupid. I’m sure that’s something we can all agree on. The trouble with this approach is that it left me feeling jaded about vaping gear. It left me cynical about this week’s new awesome juice, atomizers and mods. After a while you’ve seen it all before and you are firmly stuck in a rut of doing things your way.

There’s this hugely popular juice sitting on the desk, it’s been there for months because it simply failed to deliver on what everyone apart from me seemed to get from it. It sat on the desk that has become ever increasingly sparse as my enthusiasm for things waned. It was clearly the time to mix things up.

I was offered this Goblin thing. I didn’t want to like it from the outset despite it having a name that reminded me of a joke about . Not saying is a joke, it’s not, but being named after a 1970s bedside tea maker is. It has everything that I don’t look for in an atomizer but mainly those two cavernous air holes at the bottom. If experience has taught me anything it’s that they’d kill the flavour I seek.

Experience has taught me to pay attention to it: I no longer ride on the roof of vans, make sarcastic comments to the police or jump out of a cupboard in the dark to surprise my wife – no matter how much fun they appeared to be at the time the consequences outweighed the benefits. I’m a fan of experience, sticking my tongue into the spokes of a revolving wheel as a kid taught me not to try the same thing with a blender.

But experience has told me you sometimes have to let go of what you believe to be true so you can embrace the things in life that’d otherwise pass you by. Clicking in Paypal sent money one way and the atty into the post; an atomiser that’d been raved about by PlumeBlu as being all things to all dripper men.

So, I have the wire and the free Muji. I have the American juice I wasn’t a fan of. And I have a budget atomizer I never hankered for. Experience has told me that if my expectations are rock bottom then I can’t be disappointed. “Hope,” said Nietzsche, “in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”

And it’s sitting here with two 1.4Ω coils. It’s sitting here at 0.7Ω, pumped up to 22W and I’ve got a puerile grin with each exhale, waiting for a few minutes until the cloud you could hide Chinchillas in has cleared. Waiting until I can see the keyboard again. It’s a collection of moments that would have remained closed off to me had I stopped playing with how I like to do things – let’s hope we’ll be able to continue experimenting after the TPD is implemented. Meanwhile I’ll rejoice in the fact that the Goblin has woken me up.

Customer demand has been overwhelming due to the increasing popularity of TC mods. Consequently, we have been searching for the best quality Ti wire for you and we’ve found it. The wire will be available on 10 metre reels, is vacuum annealed and retains a bright shiny surface finish. It has been produced from certified medical-grade 1 titanium billet stock and is available in two diameters: 0.40mm/26AWG and 0.50mm/24AWG.

It is important to note that there are different types of TC mods. Some of the chips are only set up for nickel while others can use both nickel and titanium. There are vapers who are using titanium on their nickel-only TC mods, you may come across their comments, but they will not work as well.

Nickel and titanium perform differently in use. As the coil heats up its resistance changes, the TC mod measures this resistance change as an indication of temperature – it doesn’t measure the temperature directly. This means you will not get the best experience using titanium in a nickel-only TC mod as the resistance (and therefore the temperature) will be different to that of nickel at a given setting in use.

Why not Kanthal?

The beauty of Kanthal for non-TC use is that as it heats its resistance barely changes. This makes it ideal for mech mods and traditional regulated devices but renders it pretty useless in TC mode.

Manufacturers who now include an option for titanium include Diocedes, Joyetech, Infinite and a number of manufacturers using Infinite’s clone chip. Whether or not it gives a better vaping experience will be something only you can say but we do know that where the market sees demand it will grow to accommodate it like it has with high wattage chips before.

The manufacturers of these titanium-using TC chips have said to us that it is safe to use the wire and we’re happy to trust them to bear the responsibility of that statement. After all, we are big fans of the freedom of the individual to choose. And those of you who would like to choose titanium wire have been hammering at the door telling us to stock it.

We would like to point out that titanium wire is not to be used with non-TC devices. Further to that, you do not want to dry-burn the coil either even if it is on a dedicated mod. If your coil changes to a blueish or golden hue then you are probably safe to continue using it – but once it reaches the stage where you would be tempted to dry-burn off the accumulated gubbins we would strongly recommend you simply replace the coil instead.

Stealthvape’s medical-grade 1 Ti wire will be available from this page.

My record of failing to be recognised for doing unremarkable and mundane things stretches back to my schooldays where my Dad told me to never, ever volunteer for anything. The one and only time he did, during his National Service, he had his bicycle stolen. Such sterling advice stuck with me but I extended it to include a lifetime of abstaining from putting in any extra effort or (as inculcated by one regional sales manager) “thinking outside the box.”

I’ve not come up with an idea for a better coil, and improved method of wicking or even managed to pass on helpful advice without the caveat that I “haven’t a damn clue what I’m talking about.” If I’ve ever loved a juice then I’ll point out as quickly as I mention its name that no one else probably will. I don’t aspire to mediocrity, I shun opportunities for failure – I spurn the chance for someone to steal my metaphorical vaping bicycle.

Sometimes I forget myself. Sometimes I fail to remember that I’m not seeking the most outrageously great vape in the world. Something happening around the middle of a Bell curve of taste is fine with me. In fact, upon reflection, maybe I should have just stuck with the leaking, shorting Fogger V2 – it was made with a person like me in mind. That is if it’s possible to make something dreadful for someone you don’t give a damn about? Hang on, that is entirely possible; I’ve eaten at The Trading Post gastropub in Kettering.

I see myself as a human version of the element Lawrencium. No matter what box someone tries to cram me into I always appear to be in the wrong place. But this is going to change. Oh yes.

With the general election dominating my television and Vapers in Power pushing the ecig agenda I have decided to do something proactive. I am going to stand as your independent candidate for all matters vape related. And, in the spirit of a true politician, I shall endeavour to represent all points of view so that I can garner votes.

Subomming? You want to be able to do it in Asda? I’m with you. I fully support your choice to vape how, when and where you want – even if this includes blowing massive clouds in the cockpit of a fully laden international 747. The choice should be yours, not the funeral director’s, if you want to wander into a random service and chuck some chunky white stuff.

What’s that? You loathe those subohmmers? So do I. I hate them and their stupid little drippers with gaping holes in the side. I’m just the MP for you; I’ll fight for your right to ban their daft no-nic, high-VG juices.

In my administration, should you all elect me, I guarantee that social media will be either full or empty of any mention of the Goblin RTA, the Subtank and the Yihi Mini mod. This is a subject close to my heart that I care passionately about. Depending on what you fancy.

And what about those foreigners and their clones, eh? What do you think about that? Because whatever it is I wholeheartedly agree and always have done. Don’t think for one minute that my public school education and University degrees have left me out of touch with the common vaping person in the street, no matter what the other candidates say, it hasn’t. I can believe in anything you want me to and if that includes using CE2 atomisers well I am on board with that as well.

I don’t need corporate bankers or a crowd-funded campaign to get this show on the road but, until my MP’s salary starts rolling in, I wouldn’t mind a campaign donation to get a Zero mod.

Vote common sense. Vote for a better vaping future. Vote for someone who shares your values. Vote for me.

An odd opening for a blog post about the bullying tactics of a Big T company and an impending name change for the OCD range of products sold on the website but I’m certain all will become clear as the sentences roll by.

If you are reading this on the Stealthvape blog then you’ll already be familiar with the popular OCD washers and OCD connectors. Rob spent ages wrestling with the design concepts before getting them produced – an original product put together and sold by a British vaping company.

The name was highly appropriate given the shudders that accompany the sight of an atomiser perched above a mod with a large gap screaming “I’m sooooo wrong!” A name so apt Rob sought and obtained an official trademark from the Intellectual Property Office for it.

“So,” you’re asking “what’s all this OCD name change stuff?” Well you are asking that or busy removing some errant Kanthal from a bare toe. In order to answer that question you need to ponder a different one: where do bullies go to work when they grow up?

Lucy in the Charlie Brown comic strips – who on Earth would employ such a venal excuse for girlhood? Nelson from the Simpsons, that git from the Karate Kid and Biff from Back To The Future; no one in their right mind would hire these sociopaths.

The answer, dear friends, is that all of them go on to qualify as lawyers and make a fat living in the legal departments of tobacco companies. Even Draco Malfoy is a work experience lad in one. Honest. He is kept busy every day by Jabba the Hutt LLB.

It was probably Lord Sauron who dictated the letter send from Republic Technologies International complaining about the letters OCD. Apparently this company find the letters far too similar to their OCB brand. What do you mean you’ve never heard of OCB? Everyone must have heard of their fag papers. No? Oh, I’m not alone then.

The OCD trademark is for: “Class 34 Electronic cigarettes; components, parts and accessories for the aforesaid goods.”

The OCB trademark is for: “Class 14 Jewellery, fashion jewellery, timepieces.
Class 25 Clothing, footwear, headgear. Class 34 Tobacco, including smoking tobacco, cigarettes, smokers’ articles, including cigarette paper in booklets or in tubes, automatic boxes for rolling cigarettes, cigarette-rolling machines, tube-filling machines, filter tips, metal cases.”

So, the brands have different names, are aimed at different markets and are fundamentally totally different products. This matters little to RepTech and they demanded a removal of the OCD brand name. Given a pot of money to fight an expensive legal case it seems abundantly clear that Damien Thorn and his legal associates would be laughed out of court.

Politeness forbids me from using the exact words I’d commonly opt for to describe the company and their actions. But then nouns, as Homer Simpson illustrated, can be interchangeable. Which means that I can say, without fear of contradiction, that RepTech and their lawyers are a bunch of roses. Just my opinion as the author of this article and not that of Stealthvape, one which you might agree with or not.

A bunch of roses, crapweeds, stink blossoms and scumdrops.