There is so much that the vaping community can offer the rest of society, we have developed skills and strategies that can be translated into other areas. Never has this been more relevant than to those who are currently sitting in a corner shaking and worrying if they can afford to continue with their drug of choice – sugar.
Some don’t like cloud chasers. Some don’t like clone users. Some don’t like elitists. Some don’t like people who prefer RTAs. Some pour scorn on those who buy expensive juice while others mock the DIY crowd. It is evident that disharmony has crept into the vaping community – and it is our goal to bring everybody under the vaping umbrella back together again.
“Dear Stealthvape,” begins most letters we receive, “you are so awesome and stuff but I wonder if you can help me?” Pretty much all of these emails (not requesting used pants) are focussed on the vexing issues regarding vape and travel. So, instead of sending multiple answers we thought we’d tie them all up in one handy to print and use article.
Clare sat fixated by the gigantic slab of television stuck to the wall. They used to own one that didn’t make the family feel they were sitting in the front row of the Odeon. But what’s the point in that, Jim had said, when they could own something that stretched credulity as much as their credit card – the electronic Gorgon transforming all who viewed it into statues. It was fitting that she was watching something suitably ridiculous as she vaped.
Almost five times a week, an aspiring Youtuber demonstrates their grasp of Stealthvape by asking us for our entire eliquid range for free. The thing we pride ourselves on is our ability to meet all requests (no matter how bizarre), but not being able to fulfil these perfectly reasonable enquiries has upset us. We have nothing since the children demolished the OJ and Emma drank all of the grapefruit.
Yes, Stealthvape is expanding. No, this isn’t a reference to the side effects of a festive period full of sumptuous banquets and an excess of alcohol. We have identified the need for expansion in order to maximise our place in the market during 2016 and this means the creation of many new roles and departments. It’s a dog eat dog world and we aim to be top pooch, frotting ourselves on the leg of Big Tobacco.
Jeremy was vexed. You could tell that everything was not good with Jeremy’s world from the way he was staring at the screen. The more observant among you would also have noticed the stain on the wall with streaks of brown liquid dripping slowly down to the collection of coffee mug shrapnel on the floor. It would be safe to say that this was not Jeremy’s finest hour. His finest hour was the one where he completed three Sudoku puzzles and an online game of Scrabble against the computer.
We at The National Union of Apathetic Vapers would like to extend our gratitude to Stealthvape for allowing us to have this platform to introduce ourselves. Many of you will have experience of standing on platforms, feeling all isolated and wondering if that thing you were expecting will ever arrive. So here it is: The NUAV is arriving far too late, promises you an unimpressive journey and guarantees that our prices will rise faster than inflation. It’s trains; we’re making ourselves seem like trains. Oh sod it.
Doves are lovely. Pigeons aren’t; they’re the unacceptable face of the family much like Justin is to the Biebers. And dovecotes are lovely. We had this massive one in the village, in the middle of the fields where we’d play every summer. A dovecote that is, not a giant dove. The entire world would have heard of where I grew up if it had possessed a colossus Columbidae. But it hasn’t because we didn’t. It was the dovecot.
As a leading commentator on the politics involved in electronic cigarettes, we can confirm a national ban is incoming regardless of the outcome of the European elections. In fact, the Health Secretary has only just got off the phone and told us that E-cigarettes would be completely banned in 2017.
