Author Archives: Rob Ellard

 

There was me thinking that all of the extra hundreds of thousands of vapers would press down the cost of stuff as companies tooled up for larger production runs. There’s me believing that, with all of the new entrants into the manufacturing game, competition would push down the recommended retail prices.

We went off to the Lake District in September, being the family and me. It was lovely and all that but notable for two main things: sat-navs and signposts can never be trusted.

We were in the car on our way back to the youth hostel, having had a bracing hike across Hardknott Pass, and, at a junction, were being advised to go back up a mountain. Even though my mind was telling me that it was logical to descend – the signpost was indicating a return to going up.

Lies. Just like the lies the sat-nav told us when entering the Lake District and we found ourselves aboard the world’s most expensive (per mile travelled) ferry. £4.30 to travel a distance I usually cover when leaving the lounge and going to bed. I’ve not actually checked it’s the world’s most pro-rata expensive ferry but I believe that if you scaled up the distance to a cross-Channel ferry you’d need to be David Beckham rich in order to catch one.

I could be wrong, like the signpost and the sat-nav.

Loads of children, my Dad included, were evacuated to the Lakes during the war (clearly not a war on prices if the ferry is anything to go by). Our Hardknott sign must have been turned around back then to confuse German spies and someone forgot to put it right again. That, or some errant sheep up to mischief.

I swear I remember some politician or economist or someone telling me (in the 80s) that increased competition leads to a squeeze on prices. I’d put money it being one of the reasons given for selling off the railway system so private enterprise could ensure everyone travels cheaply, in comfort and on time.

Like they now do so it must be true.

Well, if you’ve laboured through “Consumer Benefits from Increased Competition in Shopping Outlets by Jerry Hausman and Ephraim Leibtag” like I pointlessly did for this article, it is true.

Ish.

The thing is, and I could be well wide of the mark here again with me not being an economist, I’ve been waiting for a price drop on mods and attys. We’ve all seen the flood of new manufacturers coming to market; we’ve all had a good online browse and the overall price appears static or even going up.

I give you exhibit A: the regulated device that does the same as every other regulated device, as seen on a popular auction site. Or how about exhibit B: the ever-increasing prices of each new release from the company who put the sting in ray?

Just to clear up any confusion, I’m not angry with this; my therapist has cleared up all of my cognitive dissonance-related temper issues. I’m perplexed. I don’t blame makers for finding the price the market will bear, it is just that it seems as though the market will bear almost any price for new mods whereas the second hand market is far less forgiving. How often have you seen someone struggling to sell a much-loved Megan 318 or a Paps X? Both being outstanding mods.

Roll on a time when I don’t have to be troubled over such thing. Roll on a time full of jetpacks and hover cars. As long as they are free, worrying about residual values is enough to drive me to holiday in Butlins and read Jeffrey Archer.

 

 

Fortunately for boys, we spend our formative years doing things of such breath-taking stupidity that we become inured to pain. We climb things in order to fall, we pick up stuff that should remain untouched on the floor and we like to run in corridors without looking where we’re going.

As well as not complaining I’m not one to apportion blame but no one erected a caveat sign on my desk. Having said that, the mod didn’t arrive with an instruction manual informing me of any dangers. Nor did the Kayfun. And I’m not even going to mention the wire provider.

Now, I concede, there is the possibility that warning leaflets may have come with the mod, the atomiser, the wire and the wool. It could be that they went into the bin to keep the flat-pack furniture instructions company. But this hasn’t prevented me from going to Boots demanding compensation.

Some would say I am making too much out of a seared finger/Kanthal incident, some think that you can’t legislate for stupid some phone the police and say “Can you please leave our store.”

I don’t care – this is public health and safety we are talking about. For decades health and safety has been widely recognised as the most important facet of our society. Seeing as I’m a member of the public this makes my suffering important to society, even if the management of Boots don’t seem to agree.

So why aren’t the European Parliament and World Health Organisation doing something about this? OK, the answer in part is that it only happened yesterday and although they might act like omniscient deities I am coming to the rapid conclusion that they aren’t.

I’m not calling for a pity party, although if one is thrown I am formally requesting prawn vol-au-vents; I am demanding action be taken to help people like me, the cast of Geordie Shore and George Bush from doing things we shouldn’t be doing.

I realise that vaping campaigners have a lot on their plate at the moment. I hope it isn’t prawn vol-au-vents; I’m fixating on them now I’ve thought about them. I realise there is legislation to be fought and everything but someone needs to take responsibility for 1,000 Â°C of suffering and that someone isn’t going to be me.

It’s at times like this I wish I was American, they have laws to assist people like me. I may not have understood it at the time (or since) but the Albuquerque hotel bar staff were only looking after my wellbeing by stopping me from buying more Guinness after the fourth pint. Clearly they understood the hazards of allowing me a fifth far better than I am still able to comprehend.

Maybe ECCA could consider providing an on-call person for every time when someone is setting about a new coil? Maybe phone support or something but, as I say, I’m not making a big deal about it. What saddens me is that it is the children who end up suffering. Because of the reckless nature of companies I am going to be unable to do the washing up or prepare a nourishing balanced evening meal – I’m worried that I will even have to put off taking up ironing even longer.

I will return to my games controller to take my mind from the agony and use a cold medicinal beer to alleviate the suffering. Thoughts of goodwill and offers of support can be forwarded to me via Facebook.

 

 

Instead of being obsessed by sex like every other person I’ve met. Which, in turn, leads me to wonder exactly what 86 people found so offensive about an ecigarette advert and what impact they thought it would have?

“You know that feeling you get, when something’s great? You can touch it, hold it, even see it. Well, now you can taste it.”

As covered in Campaign marketing magazine this week, the lady speaking is being overtly sexual in the advert – rubbing her thigh and mouthing big O’s but then Sid and Bernie took Joan and Anthea to see a film about naturists. There was more nudity in that film than this advert.

To that end the Advertising Standards Authority agree as complaints that the ad was offensive were not upheld. The 86 complaints claimed: “they believed it was overtly sexual and irresponsibly sexualised e-cigarette use.”

Freud the psychoanalyst, were he still alive, would explain that the cigarette (electronic or otherwise) acts as both a penile and nipple substitute, leading to one of the reasons it has a relaxing effect on the mind of the user. No surprise that an advertisement treats them as such then.

As a result the advert has been cleared for airing but only after the 9pm watershed because, as we know, all children are in bed by that time.

The thing is, children are being bombarded with adult themes all of the time. The reason it’s OK is that children simply don’t understand the meaning. Wallace & Grommit’s Were-Rabbit contains a scene in which Wallace is wearing a box labelled “May Contain Nuts”. In the film Cars the lemon ones have a party a lemon party. In all probability, many adults would need to use Google in order to ascertain quite how ‘adult’ that hidden joke is. Pixar have a long history of sneaking in adult content to their productions.

Now, some would argue that the advert objectifies women and is offensive for that reason alone. Not the boss of a rival ecigarette company, he refers to this sexualised campaign as having an “attention-seeking nature”. Blu chief executive Jacob Fuller said: “Some of our competitors have made ads which hurt the industry due to their bad taste.”

What is an advertising campaign if it isn’t seeking attention? Isn’t that the sole purpose of advertising? Mr. Fuller wouldn’t be mad because his agency didn’t think of it first, would he?

What do you think? Does this do vaping a disservice or is it just frippery?

The advert is here for reference purposes only. Please only view it in a darkened room, on your own, after the children are asleep.

 

 

This piece has been constructed based on Doctor Farsalinos’ recent interactions with the global vaping community in forums and online vaping media, following the release of his latest piece of research.

 

On vaping:

“In my opinion, there is no doubt that e-cigarettes are less harmful, we just do not know by how much. I think they have less than 5% the risk of smoking (which is a huge benefit for smokers).”

On conflicting interests:

“I do not own any e-cigarette company and I do not own any analytical chemistry laboratory.”

On the contents of eliquid:

“I believe that vapers are entitled to know if their liquids contain diacetyl and acetyl propionyl, or not. And they can then make informed decisions.”

On the danger posed:
“The e-cigarette is much less harmful than smoking, even if diacetyl and acetyl propionyl are present in the liquid. It is less harmful despite the fact that formaldehyde and acetaldehyde is released to the vapour.”

“Just because e-cigarette use is still safer than smoking does not mean that we can put anything in the liquids.”

On who should assess the dangers:
“We have to admit that vendors are not qualified to assess the dangers of anything. Like in every other business, it is not the businessman who makes such assessments. In every case (beverage industry, food industry, whatever) there are experts who judge or disagree about such issues.”

On diacetyl and acetyl propionyl:

They “are avoidable and removable, because they are flavour ingredients or contaminants. I think that any avoidable risk should definitely be removed.”

“The data we have about diacetyl is pretty convincing.”

“We have sufficient evidence to support that diacetyl can cause harm to the lungs when exposed long-term.”

“Vaping is better than smoking, even with diacetyl.”

On acrolein:

“It is more associated with cardiovascular disease rather than for respiratory disease. You need to heat glycerin (which is present in oils of course) to high temp levels to produce significant amounts of acrolein.”

On PG:

“We have no evidence that it is harmful because we have evidence that it is not. It may cause some irritation, but irritation does not mean disease.”

On VG:

“Studies have shown that it is not toxic, but they should be expanded (vapour testing).”

On nicotine:

“We found that toxicity in live cells (heart cells) was not dependent on nicotine concentration in the samples. We just need to expand this research (one or few studies are never enough to resolve an issue) and of course we have to wait for several years to see the real effect in the population.”

On the public’s right to know:

“Just provide to the customer (with) the information he/she deserves and let them make the choice. It is about time to stop having price and taste as the only criteria for choosing e-cigarette products.”

On juice testing in labs:

“Every supporter of e-cigarettes suggests that there must be some kind of testing and standards, to assess the quality of the products. Quality does not mean good taste or declarations by manufacturers. We fight so that any standards are proportionate, cost-effective and will provide realistic information.”

“It is unrealistic to expect that the current situation of having no obligation to test anything will continue for long. The key issue is not to have very restrictive regulations, not to stifle innovation, not to restrict variability of devices & liquids and not to ban flavours.”

On whether this is an anti-vendor stance:
“I have nothing against vendors, because their interests are similar to the interests of public health: there must be a variability of products and competition in the market so that the products improve and develop.”

On what the future holds:

“Unless the industry changes mentality, I predict that only Big Tobacco companies will remain in the market, and this is not good for public health (they will not compete, they will just share the market).”

“Research and knowledge is continuously evolving, and for every answer new questions arise. Do not expect that e-cigarettes will be cleared without any doubt at any time soon. You should be prepared for a hard battle, which is currently done by few people who are supporting e-cigarettes and their potential, and we are continuously under pressure and are battling against very strong groups who try to discredit us (but fail).”

On reasons for making the effort he makes:

“For us, supporting e-cigarettes as a public health benefit, we believe that simply telling the truth works and will eventually prevail. There is no reason to hide anything under the carpet. Our goal is not only to explain and show the benefits of e-cigarettes but also to detect potential risks and provide a solution to solve any problems.”

“It is our commitment to present everything in an unbiased, independent and purely scientific manner. We will continue in the same way, even if we find bad things for e-cigarettes. The latter should be considered not an attack against the industry but an opportunity for improvement. We are committed to present every finding of our studies, and this is good for everyone (the public health and the product).”

 

Thank you, Doctor, from all of us.

 

 

I used to consider myself pretty tech-literate. Admittedly that feeling began to fade when my son started caning me at Xbox but I still clung to the notion that while I retained the ability to code I could wear geek glasses with pride.

Bitcoin existed in my peripheral vision but on-going problems with PayPal (not to mention the dreadful new interface) have led me to believe it is time to explore new options. The recent adoption of bitcoins by major online merchants such as Expedia and Overstock peaked my interest.

Reported sales, in a recent Reuters article, paid for in bitcoin ran to less than 1% but it has lent the medium a greater general acceptance. Indeed, a representative of Expedia sees bitcoin as being a major player in online sales and they want to be on the ground floor.

So, what is bitcoin?

It is an online software-based payment system. Bitcoins are stored in a wallet with a unique identification number and there are companies who can hold the currency for the user. I have Hive now installed on my desktop but a lack of Internet (thank you Plusnet) is preventing me from having a play.

When you wish to buy from a website you click on the bitcoin option, a pop-up window will appear and you can type or copy-paste your wallet ID number.

What are the advantages of this? For the seller it means instant payment and low costs for the transaction – which, if it becomes even more popular, could in turn lead to vendors being able to be more competitive on price.

The drawbacks? There are a few at present: for a start there is none of the protection afforded by payment systems such as Paypal – if the vendor doesn’t ensure delivery or there is something wrong with the product there is no one to cry to. Also, as the payment to the vendor is converted into US dollars, the transaction is susceptible to a high volatility in bitcoin-dollar conversion rates. This volatility is produced bitcoin payment processors such as Bitpay and Coinbase, they sell on bitcoins to the market to offset there potential loss from holding too many if something went wrong.

It is this uncertainty that feeds into the slow uptake of bitcoins by the general public, coupled with payment systems that work and people’s love of credit cards. At the outset there were also concerns over the payment processors themselves but Bitpay and Coinbase both have a lot of venture capital stacked behind them.

Currently there are 63,000 merchants who accept bitcoin with a prediction of that rising to 100,000 by the end of 2014. Sales using bitcoin, from wallets held by BlockChain.info, run to around 75,000 transactions per day and have a value approaching $85,000,000. Those who use bitcoin tend to be tech-savvy, high net-worth individuals.

It is predicted that come the end of 2014 eight million of us will be holding bitcoin accounts. Without having to worry over transaction charges and lower exchange rates, with the wider incorporation of bitcoin cashpoints to come and protection from banks going bust or investing your money in dust maybe it is time to give bitcoin a closer look?

 

 

It was while thinking about the cracking science fiction films of that period, when society was obsessed with what technology could bring us in the future, that I remembered this piece of celluloid flotsam; a close encounters of the turd kind, if you will.

But we’re now in the future, it started a couple of years ago, and the maniacs are having their playtime. Some of them don’t understand science, some of them ignore science and some are just making such ridiculous claims that if I didn’t know better I’d say I’d fallen through a vortex into a parallel universe obeying the Laws of Sitcom.

Diet vaping.

Vaping as a replacement to balanced nutritional intake?

In a previous working life I was asked to research a new product that the managing director wished to add to the product mix. His idea was that we should go for a national rollout with ad campaigns and in-store promotions. The product was an everlasting bar of soap.

Clearly normal soap just isn’t up to the job. You use it, it diminishes and you have to keep buying a new one. What you need is a bar of soap made from stainless steel. And when I say ‘what you need’ I mean ‘the next to last thing you need’. I had to prepare a report and presentation to the board on this – and at no time crack into a fit of laughter. I am stunned to discover that despite being kicked soundly to the kerb it is currently on sale through a large online vendor at £4.99 a bar.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ”• Albert Einstein

Diet vaping?

The body is an amazing vessel, each cell a biochemical powerhouse with terabytes of cellular DNA information being transcribed every second. Two hundred trillion cells, each one performing millions of chemical reactions utilising the nutrients taken in through the mouth.

Fad diets are one thing, but replacing food with vapour?

If people are unable to distinguish lies from reality, if their critical faculties are so under-developed, is it OK for people to take advantage of them? Who doesn’t want a “sexy body”? I did so much that I now have fourteen of them underneath my dermis.

The body is not tricked, the body is a simple mechanism impervious to the lies the brain falls for. The body will tell you that you are damn hungry when it requires more nutrients and no vapour puffing will take that feeling away. Nicotine would diminish the hunger pangs but these things are nic-free.

Hot on the heels of diet vaping comes a new snake oil salesperson: e-liquid with added vitamins. A healthy diet needs no vitamin supplements but the vitamin supplement industry would hate you to believe that. Imagine vitamins are sandcastles imagine a coil of Kanthal is a Chieftain tank. Now apply power to the tank and head it straight for the sandcastles. Vitamins are denatured by temperature; they are smashed by heat and rendered useless for their role in the body.

People are being sold a pup, it’s like going to see Flight of the Navigator only for someone to load a reel of Howard the Duck instead. Instead of a family film to enjoy they are being made to sit back and suffer 111 minutes of utter pointlessness. I’d write more but I’m putting the final touches to a juice that will double your IQ.

 

 

So where were the Thunderbirds last week when the number kept counting down under 1?

Social media is buzzing with the news that a young man was foolish enough to have a battery go all Fireball XL5 on him in the middle of a vape meet in America. Some would have you believe that not only were lives put at risk by his irresponsibility but that he was also responsible for the decline in Western society, crushes baby bunnies as a hobby and invented sexually transmitted diseases. If there’s one thing social media loves it is the ability to virtually point at others and type hyperbole like it’s never been typed before. A bit like this.

One problem is that Tracy Island is hidden away in the South Pacific Ocean. Clearly, Jeff Tracy never planned ahead for such an eventuality but lucky for us social media is making plans for Nigel and anybody else who is offended by his accident. Unfortunately, nothing in life is clear-cut, there are shades of grey and strings are attached.

Given that it was in proximity to a sub-ohm cloud tournament has led many to link the two. Forum threads and Facebook groups have divided into three camps:

• Those demanding the community voluntarily clamps down on this dangerous behaviour.
• Those demanding the right to express themselves freely in an informed and safe manner, and
• Those struggling to see the monitor for the voluminous cloud in front of them.

Oh, and a fourth group of people who simply don’t care.

The blame is being placed at the feet of sub-ohming, clones, cheap batteries and questioning the man’s intelligence & parentage. Not just that, but people are now starting to confuse the anonymous victim of the exploding mod with the confused sub-ohmer who resembles a rather crap, young Captain Black.

A quick glance at Reddit and Phil Busardo’s video clearly illustrates that the incident in the event could easily have been nothing more than an accident. Now it’s a shame the chap didn’t stick about to explain himself but given America’s over-indulgence of the legal system as a means to redress means that it is also highly possible he feared for his savings. No one died, no one was seriously hurt, the world hasn’t stopped turning.

But does extreme vaping (for want of a better term) encourage the idiotic behaviour of some vapers? The types who video themselves making insane builds using second-rate equipment and demonstrating an understanding of Physics to rival that of a Tea Party creationist like Sarah Palin?

The history of prohibition has demonstrated that it doesn’t work. Booze, guns, drugs; the only result is a spiralling of legislation and policing costs. The answer has to be an on-going campaign to educate, to share safe practise and to teach others of the potential for harm – be it batteries venting or the toxins produced at high voltages. An informed community is a safer community.

If we dip back to Captain De Jay Black he says “Its my way of experimenting and by doing so I believe I have begun a debate on why it is so important to know your battery capabilities and ohms reading when vaping.”

He most certainly has created a debate even if 99% of it is incredibly negative towards the chap. Unfortunately, and most importantly, he has no idea what his coil resistance is because the meter is not accurate enough at such level; neither does he appear to have any comprehension regarding the chemistry batteries. With any luck he will develop a rapid appreciation of the limits to his understanding and vaping will not be left with a Stingray in the tale.

 

 

Alleles coding for steel, brass, something black and copper mix and intertwine producing little-capped phenotypes. All anyone needs for a successful harvest is plenty of juice to feed the crop with, a bit of cash to enrich the soil and an ability to forget what the last harvest was like. It is so predictable I’m beginning to feel Jean-Baptiste Pierre Antoine de Monet, Chevalier de Lamarck, had a point with his inherited characteristics theory.

Suffice to say I’ve been waiting for a development in dripping technology that makes me go wow. Something produced by thinking outside the seed box; something more than a deeper well or the ability to quad-coil. It doesn’t look like anything is going to spring up any time soon so I reckoned a few suggestions might be in order

The Razor Approach: science and technology have given men the ultimate in shaving technology at least seventeen times a year for as long as I can remember. The first step is to forget single and dual-coils – what we need are six, then eight then nineteen-coil drippers released in consecutive months.

The Wild West Approach: You’ve finished your beans, a gnarly guy dressed all in black enters the town and you need to take him and his gang out – you don’t want to spend hours reloading guns when you could be having all the shooting people dead fun. This is why the 6-shooter auto loader was invented. We, and by ‘we’ I mean ‘me’ require coil auto loaders. Pop some wire and wick in the top, press down and shazam! Instant wicks and coils pressed into place with no need for screwdrivers.

The On-demand Approach: Who bothers going to football matches anymore? Well, quite a few people. I’m not sure of the actual numbers but I’m betting it’s more than 1,023. That’s not important, what is key here is that loads more people like to be able to watch football from the comfort of their armchair where you can indulge yourself in abusive language, excessive drinking and food that tastes like food to your heart’s content. Sky need to build a Jodrell Bank of giant dripping atomisers with a network of pipes to every home in the UK. Order the juice using the controller, pull the mouthpiece from the vaping chair and toke away.

Let’s blue-sky this thing, all the previous ideas could easily be achieved now using current technology and a flagrant disregard for cost and practicality. But the genus Homo hasn’t got to where we are now (stuffed-crust pizza, pet rocks and Hello magazine) without looking to the future and doing some really stupid things.

The Star Trek Approach: Jim is on the bridge with Bones, Spock and the person without a name who won’t see out the episode. On the planet below something is amiss. Do they catch a bus? Do they wait for it all to blow over? Heck no – they jump on the matter transporter. Do I want to wait for my wick to carry juice to the coil? No. I want instant vapour. I want a transporter on the desktop that will carry juice directly onto the coil – not wicks, no leaks, leaving me to quiet vape contemplation about my Klingons.

The future is out there.

 

 

Like “Competition” mods this post is using the word “Competition” to imply a higher level of performance from the typing and use of images. Clearly it will be the hard-core readers who are staying at home over Friday and Saturday, the seasoned people who know what works for them and have no need to go stagger about drunk in a field. Elitists who appreciate top quality performance. Elitists like you; wordsmiths who can tell the difference between iambic pentameter and dactylic hexameter.

At this point it needs to be pointed out that this “Competition” post is not dangerous. Some reviewers have commented that the exacting standards designed into this post have left it liable to explode like a set of blue balls. Let’s be perfectly clear about this, no reader got in touch with me regarding the concerns they had over this and I would postulate that they aren’t even qualified readers to begin with. What the flip gives them the right to cast aspersions on the performance of this “Competition” post? Nothing, that’s what – according to the expensive legal team assembled for just this kind of eventuality.

Unlike cloned posts this one has had no copy pasting. Absolutely no cheap Chinese people were employed to bang out words with scant regard for the safety of the reader. Now, I know what some people are thinking, they’re thinking “But what about those videos of you showing people how to use CTRL-C and CTRL-V on YouTube?” The answer is quite simple – shut up. I’m going to sue everyone who ever expresses that opinion. I don’t care how many people are involved; I’ll sue the entire world if I want to. In fact, if I’m hungover, I might just sue them all and their families. Twice.

“Competition” posts need to be appreciated for what they are – a method of giving back to my bank account as quickly as possible while I fail to make the repayments on my computer. And don’t think for one second I haven’t seen the tweets about how employees in Shenzhen are being put out of work due to me not meeting my hire purchase obligations to Apple. I’m going to sue them all as well. How’ja like them, Apples?

In fact, at the rate I’m going, I will be making more money from suing everyone than I will from producing “Competition” posts. Which is fortunate seeing as I note that others are talking about producing versions of this “Competition” post. I simple can’t allow such confusion to exist, no one will know if they are reading the original “Competition” post or a pale imitation so I’m not going to produce anymore. Until next week.

Apologies to all the websites currently holding examples of my “Competition” posts online. I realise that my actions have now ensured that they will all sit there unread but (to be brutally honest) I just don’t care.

Any similarity to the behaviour depicted in this “Competition” blog post and the way some people carry themselves in business is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction, the product of a land of the free thought association.

Peace out.

 

 

Nausea: The body has a natural defence against poisoning and that is to evacuate itself. This amazing inbuilt warning system prevents vapers from taking too much nicotine in. Take a break, keep up with your fluids and you’ll be right as rain in no time.

Headache: Again, a secondary symptom from taking on board a touch too much nicotine, the body will break it down naturally and all will be right with the world. Studies have linked cluster headaches to excessive nicotine consumption and noted benefits from limiting intake.

Running out of juice: So obvious and yet so common among new vapers: As you gain experience and develop a range of flavours you enjoy you will find you always have a range in stock. Remember that ‘next day‘ delivery might depend on the vendor meaning ‘the next day after I post it’ and that Royal Mail now has a liberal interpretation on what 1^st Class means.

This juice tastes nothing like the description: What you taste is a combination of how your receptors work in the tongue combined with what you smell. These are highly individual to you and studies have even linked variation in taste perception to age, status, gender and BMI.

What may taste like a ripe watermelon to one person may resemble five-month old carpet slipper to someone else. Buying sample sizes or trying juices in stores is the only way to identify what will work for you. Some vendors sell stock flavours from a large manufacturer with their own label. Some brands are made using standard flavourings. Some juice producers use natural extracts during manufacture. Online forums are a good place to hunt out suggestions and advice.

I can’t taste anything: Vaper’s tongue hits everyone now and then and comes from the taste receptors becoming bombarded with similar sensations over a period of time. Sometimes changing juice can work – and some people break out a mint or menthol flavour to clean their palette. Others swear by a brushing of the teeth and some mouthwash (to gargle with not to vape!) – swapping between your favourite flavours ought to prevent it from happening.

But I still can’t taste anything: How old is your head? Wicks and coils build up carbon deposits over time and this cuts down on the atomiser’s ability to vaporise liquid effectively and taste wanes. Popping in a new head or changing your wick after a dry burn will bring happiness back to your mouth.

Battery running out of charge: A battery is a little chemical powerhouse in a tube, different makes last for varying lengths of time. The quality of the battery also impacts how well it will perform and how long it will last. The number declaring its mAh indicates how long it will last – but some manufacturers fib like an estate agent describing a box room.

A battery is only good for so many recharges, the number depending on the quality of the device you are using. You might need to look for a battery mod with a higher mAh rating to suit your needs or if this is a recent event then a replacement might be called for. Remember that the chemicals contained in a battery are not ideal for the environment and you ought to dispose of unwanted ones at a recognised recycling point.

Hot hot hot hot: A hot device/battery means something has gone wrong very wrong. It might hurt to have to do this but it should be disposed of. The heat indicates a short and excessive current passing through the battery that will have changed its chemistry. It might carry on working when cooled down but the heat given out earlier means that it is unsafe to do so. Recycle the battery and see if you can identify why it happened – if you can not rule out the atomiser it might short out a second battery too.

More leaks than the Titanic: With time seals stop sealing and wicks become tired – addressing these two should sort 95% of problems experienced. If a new head or seal doesn’t solve your issues then it may be time to let that ship go down and go shopping for a new one.

Cloud chasing looks fun: Dirty Harry said, “A man’s got to know his limitations” – how did you do in GCSE Science? Batteries have limits; it is vital that you know what you are doing before trying to build your own coils, as a venting or exploding battery is not what anybody wants to see. Forums contain a wealth of experience to help you on your way.

Poverty: A tragic side effect of collecting lots of different coloured and shiny vaping things, there are solutions but most of them remain illegal.

Shelf space: The need to buy a shelving unit to accommodate your supplies of wick & wire, replacement heads and lumps of metal is a natural progression from the tried and tested toolbox. Wanting to move house in order to accommodate them in a bigger room probably indicates that you finally have enough.

Needing a second fridge: Not many sentences ago you ran out of juice and never had enough but now the family berates you for taking up three of the four shelves in the fridge with litres of wonderful flavours. If you notice your partner visiting a legal advisor or your children becoming emaciated then it might be time to consider one of those small beer fridges for the table top.

Getting wood: Do you find yourself wandering country lanes and exploring lay-bys for wood? Is your partner becoming tired of your obsession with racks? It is highly probable this, like the desire for more wall space, is a clue that you might need to move some of your gear along. No one wants to see you on one of those Channel 5 “Hoarders” TV programmes.