Author Archives: Rob Ellard

Christmas must be approaching faster than Roadrunner using an Acme jetpack, book companies gear up their marketing and awards are doled out to soon to be forgotten cultural ephemera. Oxford Dictionaries have looked at all the words new to them, used an arcane process (I suspect Google) and elected vape as their Word of the Year (WOTY).

The criteria? “The Oxford Dictionaries Word of the Year is a word, or expression, that we can see has attracted a great deal of interest during the year to date. Every year, candidates for Word of the Year are debated and one is eventually chosen that is judged to reflect the ethos, mood, or preoccupations of that particular year and to have lasting potential as a word of cultural significance.”

A quick go on an Internet search engine pulls up 1,830,000 results. This may be 40 times less than the number of references to Jesus but it now ranks up there with wind farm, above Motörhead and around four times more popular than TOWIE. I’m amazed at the lack of interest in TOWIE given the on-going troubles with Dan Osborne and Jacqueline Jossa’s relationship. Apparently.

Whoever they are?

Oxford Dictionaries scan approximately 150,000,000 English words in current use every month and monitor new and emerging ones, tracking frequency of use among other things. It doesn’t matter that the word might have come into use some time ago; it is how noticeable and prominent it has become over 2014 that marked vape out as a contender.

Vape fought off stiff competition from budtender, normcore and slacktivism. Previous winners include chav, bovvered, simples and omnishambles – truly great company.

They say: “As e-cigarettes (or e-cigs) have become much more common, so vape has grown significantly in popularity. You are thirty times more likely to come across the word vape than you were two years ago, and usage has more than doubled in the past year.

Usage of vape peaked in April 2014 – as the graph below indicates – around the time that the UK’s first ‘vape café’ (The Vape Lab in Shoreditch, London) opened its doors, and protests were held in response to New York City banning indoor vaping. In the same month, the issue of vaping was debated by The Washington Post, the BBC, and the British newspaper The Telegraph, amongst others.”

So, slap on Queen’s ‘We are the champions’, pop the corks on the bubbly and vape like the winner you are.

Visitors to our Rebuildable Supplies section will have seen the coiling calculator developed by Lars Simonsen. Well, we’ve asked Lars to help us provide you with a version of the calculator to take out and about on any android-powered device.

It gives information when using new wire or different coiling diameters on how many wraps will provide a desired resistance – very useful for both experience vapers and those new to coiling.

In the app:

• Select the wire material from the drop-down box.
• Choose single, dual, triple or quad coil.
• Enter the AWG or mm or your chosen wire
• Pop in your target resistance

It’s that easy – and being on your mobile device means that you won’t be tied to coiling in front of your computer screen. You can factor in the diameter of the coil and even the lengths of the coil legs.

Finally you get the option to specify whether you are using a microcoil or one with spaced coils. How brilliant is that? While you are there, if you fancy ordering some extra supplies just tap on the Stealthvape logo and it’ll pop you straight to us.

When you install the app we won’t ask you for permission to access your contacts, the ability to phone our friends in Guam or download your collection of pictures from the last One Direction concert. We won’t ask for any permissions at all.

And how much is this super app? Like our Muji cotton pads – it’s free!

“We in government have grown accustomed to the threat of ecig-related fires,” said a spokesperson, wishing to remain anonymous, “to the extent that we were going to recommend the unemployed and disabled use them to keep warm over the cold winter period.” This pending advice has been placed on hold given the latest alert.

Last week, news was released regarding the potential for vaping devices to infect personal computers with all manner of viruses, worms and additional songs by U2 while charging. Stealthvape have discovered that this is not the only dastardly plot by the Chinese: bottles of e-Liquid have been laced with hi-tech nanobots.

Our source continued: “It appears that the Chinese are trying to genetically alter people in the West who choose to vape. What is abundantly clear is that any user of electronic cigarettes who suddenly feels like eating Sweet & Sour Chicken balls should go to their nearest A&E department immediately.”

Nanobots can also be referred to as nanoids, nanites, nanomachines or Colin. Just like real robots but small, very small. To get a scale of how small they are first imagine the size of the smallest thing you have ever encountered (probably Hugh Grant’s talent)

“What worries me most,” little Barry Onions told us, “is that us kids love cool robots. There must be loads of children as stupid as me who want to use this stuff because of them.” Barry, ginger, went on to tell us that he thought the Chinese were targeting young people because they liked to collect things. “Only young people collect stuff,” he added, “and that’s why I now have fifteen million bottles of the stuff.”

We approached an impartial scientist to obtain his opinion. Professor Ian Impartialman, Department of Tarot Cards at Southwest California Remedial College, said: “I want to make this very clear, I take no money from any Pharmaceutical company – certainly not Johnson & Johnson. people might say that I do but they are all idiots – especially Clive Bates. This isn’t my opinion, it is a fact because the cards said so.”

Ian confirmed that the smaller a person is the more likely they are to be attracted to this kind of thing. “The products are primarily targeted at the unborn, unfertilised eggs and sperm. Some people might want to think about children but the research I’m selectively quoting demonstrates clear danger prior to insemination.”

When asked what she thought of the possible threat, Carol Lychees, Daily Mail reader, made the noise of an angry pony. “It’s the bloody foreigners,” she bellowed. “First they wanted to know what love is and now they want to make us all like them. Not even traditional British Chinese meals are British anymore!” Asked if she believed action should be taken she agreed with banning vaping immediately and favoured a carrot-replacement therapy scheme.

Over 2014 a number of high end manufacturers have increased production and opened websites, enabling more people the opportunity to own their products. At the same time we’ve seen a number of people launching quality, original yet affordable devices, catering to those seeking their first genuine bits of kit.

The politics of the Antz is dominated by (the ever-increasingly marginalised) Glantz, especially following the revelations of his funding from Big P, and the obscure pronouncements from a couple of Brits. They’ve had social media meltdowns, indulged in all manner of personal attacks and resolutely stuck to the themes built on lies.

Scotland embraced vaping as part of its quit smoking service, Leicester continued to plough a furrow in supporting e-cigs and the body of scientific evidence in favour continues to outstrip anything anybody else can produce.

A magazine dedicated to vapers went monthly, a forum expanded its offering to include weekly newsletters and many, many more vendors began a new business. Vapemeet 2014 was a resounding success with the largest ever footfall while meets in the States grew in both frequency and size.

And things blew up, ohms got lower while air holes got larger. From having one or two emails a day the volume of vape-related news hitting my inbox has reached an almost unmanageable level.

‘Vape’ isn’t just the word of the year, it’s a snowballing public movement – the genie isn’t just out of the bottle; it’s taken over the pantomime, moved into a new house and goes on nice foreign holidays. Vaping is here to stay.

Mod – the Black Oak by Continental Mods

As with all things in this list, personal preference comes into play and what ticked all the boxes for me won’t do it for others. There is no doubt that there many I haven’t owned or held but there was just one I lusted after. This was, without doubt, the year of the box as vapers embraced the alternative to the tube. There are outstanding alternatives out there – I’m still a huge fan of the entire Paps range, the number of regulated devices has bloomed but it is the whole package of the Black Oak by Continental Mods that won my heart.

It’s not just the handmade mod itself; it’s the attention to detail with the entire package. From the beautiful box to the individual components, this was incredibly well thought out from inception to implementation.

Atty – the Origen Genesis V2 by Norbert

I believe this was an annus mirabilis for atomisers as some incredible new ones entered the market – plus I discovered some older, cheaper ones knocking about that really perform too. Some of the older attys continue to perform to an excellent level; those with Rose V2s will be looking forward with anticipation to the V3 version, people lucky enough to own a Sat22 will be clutching it with pride.

Norbert’s Origen has improved on the physical appearance, offers an outstanding build quality and delivers a phenomenal vape. A stunning genesis atty that is never far from the Petit Gros or my right hand; there are things you just innately know will never be swapped or sold on, the Origen V2 is one of them.

Manufacturer – Tim Peacock & Fortune Mods

I could celebrate Fortune Mods for their involvement in the community, I could laud them for producing affordable mods and I could celebrate the beautiful design work that has gone into the recent packaging – but none of these are the reason I pick Tim.

Throughout the year, Tim has received (like most of us) an inbox full of people offering him things from China. Notably, many people contacting Time are offering to sell copies of the very devices he makes. The style and wit with which he has dealt with all of them stands as a testament to the integrity of the chap – and the respect with which he treats everybody, customer or not.

Bargain – Steamboy

I bought one of the quirky 2.1 Storm Riders as a suck it and see exercise and was so impressed I immediately purchased a 2.3. Not only do the prices of these atomisers offer exceptional value but for just €100 you can obtain an original Peacemaker mod replete with a 2.3 Storm Rider atomiser. Outstanding value for something so well made!

Tech development – the DNA40 chip

It’s not my cup of tea, but the potential offered by this chip is outstanding. To be able to guarantee no burnt wick and limit the production of noxious compounds is the leap forward vaping has been crying out for. I’m too cautious to be an early adopter but I’m looking forward to being convinced to get a DNA40 device in 2015.

New Juice – Puros Dark

House of Liquid removed by previous favourite vape from stock, although I still have a smidge of Brasileiro for special occasions. Puros Dark filled the vacated slot with aplomb. Deep and rich, complex and rewarding, Puros Dark is the only juice the Origen V2 gets used for whether at home or sitting in a pub. I don’t feel like I’m vaping with this liquid, I feel like I’m treating myself!

Forum – Planet of the Vapes

The inclusive nature of POTV continues to make it an ideal venue for those new to vaping (and the more experienced). While some will contend they are too accommodating, others will point to the fact that the support they received helped them to develop their understanding and a deeper appreciation for all aspects of vaping. The recent development of the weekly vaping news function marks the forum out as offering something unique to the UK market.

*These are my opinions, my opinions alone and do not reflect those held by Stealthvape or any sane breathing person. Who would get your votes?

For those of us who didn’t know before, we’ve taught ourselves about Ohm’s Law, experimented with thermal lag and messed with the chemistry of juices. We’ve discovered the quantity of heat retained by a recently torched piece of steel and we’ve investigated capillary action by using different substrates.

Vaping is a wonderful series of science lessons that don’t involve landing on a comet but there is a limit and I’ve reached mine. As much as I adore discovering new things I can’t stand having to relearn. In the last couple of years I’ve experimented with wires and wicks, mods and attys, to find a vape that really works for me. During this time I’ve found more stuff that doesn’t hit the spot than kit that does, but that’s OK.

Back in another life when I used to pretend to work for a chemical company, I shared an office with the only line manager I’ve never fallen out with. We’ll call him Harry because Harry is a nice name – and because that’s what he was called.

Harry used to be a jazz musician and instead of drumming up new revenue for our mass-murdering corporation we’d sit with guitars as he taught me something new. The moment in time I’m thinking of now was much more car than guitar-based. I was choosing my new company motor from the list applicable to my station in company life.

“The thing is, Dave” Harry began, “is that the more complex a car is the more there is to go wrong with it.” He knew what he was talking about as he’d just spent a week with his electric window stuck open thanks to a piece of fried circuitry. As the man who signed all of my ridiculously inflated expenses sheets I was always prepared to do Harry’s bidding – standard Sierra estate with wind-up windows it was. I was OK with that, cars rank as one of the least important things in life.

So I sit in conflict: a gadget lover who abhors advances in technology. I love simplicity; it’s what drives me to prefer a mech to the regulated mod. In recent months I’ve added a couple of VWs to the desk and found myself being drawn to them. Actually, given the times I’ve used them I would say I prefer them – I’m embracing the ability to coil higher resistances and run the battery longer.

I thought about a new DNA40 device. And then I discounted it.

It’s not the styles or the cost, it’s not the teething problems with the chip or any reported issues with build quality of certain devices. No, I just don’t want to go back to coiling school. I don’t want to repeat the cycle of trial, fail, learn, retry, fail again…I just want to vape. I feel a kinship with those who never leave the comfort of the eGo starter kit, the warm security blanket of the familiar.

I’m happy to forgo the acquisition of new stuff pushing the old learning out of my brain, I’m content to not hang at the cool kids table. In fact the only thing that unsettles me is that the words ‘I Am A Luddite Vaper‘ scan too easily into a song by The Wurzels.

I say ‘it will be made’ quite confidently as everything is now made into a film. I blame WarGames, without the Internet that film would never have been made. Without films like WarGames I’d never have been forced into watching The Social Network.

Bill Gates, Anonymous, Wikileaks or Paul Allen – it doesn’t matter how boring the subject is for most viewers it will be turned into a film for YouTube or a documentary on The History Channel…like the painfully compulsive Triumph Of The Nerds.

For lovers of stories we are being swamped with them on an almost daily basis. The original genesis, the customisation boom and the rampant juice market have all got their tales to tell. We have online forum love stories to manufacturer trysts. Like the tales of computer tech, this is an industry creating itself from nothing at a huge rate – it’s exciting and nerdy in equal measure.

What stories do we have?

Invention gives way to production and redesign; profits have become impacted by companies from other sectors suffering the loss. We have greed, desire, strokes of genius and examples of altruism. We share, we hoard but (most of all) we exude passion for the product.

Just like the computer geeks of the 70s we coalesce, we bind together on the Internet in order to share our loves, discoveries and opinions. We learn from each other and push the community forwards. And nothing brings us together like the indignation created by some idiot with a tea towel or a doctored mod demonstrating that the Darwin Award is a wonderful thing.

Our garage engineers are now branching out and contracting production facilities, our vendors are spending their waking hours trying to find new angles and products. Hobbyists are becoming businesses and business is becoming BIG! We even have a little political party dedicated to vaping! How cute is that?

But if we consider the computer stories we know that there’s things yet to come. There are companies that will be crushed by growth, there will be leaders yet to emerge and just as cloned machine did for IBM the copy dilemma has still to be resolved in the vaping world.

Originals are fighting clone vendors by ripping payment systems away from them; politicians are fighting with common sense and good science. The only thing that’s missing is a decent cast list.

So who should be up for casting?

Clearly John Goodman has to be demanding people taste his juice at some point. Our Minister for Health has a history of spouting bizarre views, harbours wholly unscientific opinions and hid the truth about his ‘agent’ – now if this isn’t a shoe-in role for Tom Cruise I don’t know what is.

What’s that? He’s too American to play a Brit? That’s movies for you; they take poetic licence with actual events. I’m sure the War on Nicotine won’t actually involve evil Professor Glantz (Michael Douglas) destroying the Houses of Parliament while battling ECITA girl (Salma Hayek) but it’s going to look great and grab higher audiences. Anyway, it’s not like the anti-vaping lobby have ever made an effort to play with the truth so why not just look on it as commentary.

Apparently, according to the Penn Med Soc. (PMS), the entertainment industry glamourizes and endorses vaping. “Electronic cigarettes should not be on television or in the movies”, said pulmonologist Dick Bell.

The errors in the stance being adopted by PMS can be summarised through a couple of quotes by Jacob Sullum from his recent Forbes column “Marijuana Edibles, Flavored E-Cigarettes, And The Folly Of Child-Proofing The World”.

“This argument (for regulation), although couched in the language of moderate and sensible regulation, should be a non-starter in a free society, because it reduces adults to the level of children,” he writes.

But hang on a minute, is there one among us who has not had an aspect of their lives ruined by Hollywood (and I’m not just referring to the mental anguish of having watched a Jennifer Aniston rom-com)? Maybe there’s mileage in banning stuff that might be dangerous to children and adults?

Are you one of the individuals Thelma & Louise convinced that it’d be cool to drive off a mountain? Perhaps you number in the legion of poor folk who bought into the lie that you could walk around a city centre with a sword killing the people you believed to be vampires? Maybe you tried to despatch your friend’s son, believing him to be the reincarnation of Satan? Possibly you loaded up with guns and had a shoot out in a wood just outside of Basingstoke after returning from a harrowing time in Dagenham?

The cinema and television clearly have a lot to answer for having influenced all of us weak-willed individuals to copy the stars so blindly.

But it can’t end there.

Some doctors have proven themselves to be dangerous to society with their mass murdering tendencies; clearly the medical profession has to be banned to in order to protect everybody. Yep, I know it isn’t all doctors and nurses but remember – this is all about protecting children. You aren’t allowed to nit-pick when it comes to child safety.

Add on to that list truck drivers, taxi drivers, shop owners, rivers, trees, building sites and traffic wardens. I’m not sure traffic wardens have ever been responsible for the death of anyone but it pays to be safe.

And how about those who inflict actual abuse on children? Politicians, teachers, doctors (again), the police, hospital administrators and council officials – the list goes on and on. If we are to have any semblance of a safe world then we need to remove this risk forthwith. Banning these professions is the only sensible course of action if we are to save children.

Logically, we ought to give serious consideration to banning adults from having families too. I am convinced that this measure would lead to a planet safe from vapers, Hollywood and the Pennsylvania Medical Society.

Referring to the whole ‘gateway’ nonsense, Jacob Sullum concludes: “In other words, [they] are prepared to sacrifice the interests, and potentially the lives, of verifiably real adults for the sake of hypothetical teenagers. This is where the logic of regulating “for the children” leads. Attempts to child-proof the world do not necessarily make kids any safer, but they always makes adults less free.”

Further reading:

• Doctors Want Hollywood to Cancel E-Cigs

• Marijuana Edibles, Flavored E-Cigarettes, And The Folly Of Child-Proofing The World

“Life” said John Cleese, “is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.”

Sub-ohmers have taken a fair bit of stick of late on the forums and social media groups I look at. Some insult them for wanting to show off big vape, others decry them for inviting legislators to clamp down upon us all. Is it really fair?

For many, the finest smoke one could achieve was the post-coital fag of celebration. Now, and I’m sure it reflects upon my performance, I can’t say I ever got that urge to spark up afterwards – I couldn’t, I was far too busy ushering the animals back to the zoo. But even if I had enjoyed the luxury of being able to spread out in my jelly-filled paddling pool afterwards I’m still not certain a smoke would have been more preferable to another slice of pizza.

But is it even worth the effort to indulge in the ultimate experience?

Point Break’s Johnny Utah encapsulated the desire to take in the ultimate despite the fact that it would culminate in him crashing to his death. Now, if it had been Keanu Reeves I could have been tempted to help out by part-sponsoring the surfboard but I’m left pondering why any high would be worth the ultimate sacrifice.

I’m happy to hold my hand up and say I’m now of a age where some decent slippers and a nice cup of tea is preferable to raucous entertainment. In fact, if you add in cheese and biscuits you probably have the makings of my perfect vape right there.

As a biker, the greatest ride for me is the B6047, being at one with the machine and the road through the bends – feeling a part of the environment you are travelling through, smells changing by the field and the temperature of the wind on your face altering with every dip and rise. All at reasonable speed, unlike the leather-suited racer boys, time to smile and take in the experience.

And that’s where I come from when trying to comprehend sub-ohming. While I might enjoy a Zen-like biking experience there are many other who seek the adrenaline smack in the face; some career around A and B roads with an apparent desire to discover if God exists while others will perch on fat-wheeled bombs just fly in a straight line faster than middle-aged woman at a January sale.

If we pop back to sex for a minute (middle-aged woman at a January sale always do that for me) I’d like to consider the more risky practices some people indulge in. I’ve been married for the length of time it takes a glacier to carve a Welsh valley – not for us the madness of Sting’s tantric nonsense. What man of middle age would take such risks during congress? I feel my back aching and my dodgy knee hurting just thinking about it. But I’m happy for him and, to be quite honest, anything that keeps him away from the recording studio is a plus in my book.

I’m confident that there are multiple aspects of life that reflect our differing desires for exploration and recreation, all with an aspect of risk attached to them. I wonder if Rubik’s Cube addicts decry the activities of speedcubers for dragging their interest into disrepute?

Isn’t it time we accepted that an expanding vaping community will create subsets of interests? Anyway, I have more important things in life to get upset about than sub-ohming; the knitting circle is objecting to my extreme loop and stitch technique.

There was me thinking that all of the extra hundreds of thousands of vapers would press down the cost of stuff as companies tooled up for larger production runs. There’s me believing that, with all of the new entrants into the manufacturing game, competition would push down the recommended retail prices.

We went off to the Lake District in September, being the family and me. It was lovely and all that but notable for two main things: sat-navs and signposts can never be trusted.

We were in the car on our way back to the youth hostel, having had a bracing hike across Hardknott Pass, and, at a junction, were being advised to go back up a mountain. Even though my mind was telling me that it was logical to descend – the signpost was indicating a return to going up.

Lies. Just like the lies the sat-nav told us when entering the Lake District and we found ourselves aboard the world’s most expensive (per mile travelled) ferry. £4.30 to travel a distance I usually cover when leaving the lounge and going to bed. I’ve not actually checked it’s the world’s most pro-rata expensive ferry but I believe that if you scaled up the distance to a cross-Channel ferry you’d need to be David Beckham rich in order to catch one.

I could be wrong, like the signpost and the sat-nav.

Loads of children, my Dad included, were evacuated to the Lakes during the war (clearly not a war on prices if the ferry is anything to go by). Our Hardknott sign must have been turned around back then to confuse German spies and someone forgot to put it right again. That, or some errant sheep up to mischief.

I swear I remember some politician or economist or someone telling me (in the 80s) that increased competition leads to a squeeze on prices. I’d put money it being one of the reasons given for selling off the railway system so private enterprise could ensure everyone travels cheaply, in comfort and on time.

Like they now do so it must be true.

Well, if you’ve laboured through “Consumer Benefits from Increased Competition in Shopping Outlets by Jerry Hausman and Ephraim Leibtag” like I pointlessly did for this article, it is true.

Ish.

The thing is, and I could be well wide of the mark here again with me not being an economist, I’ve been waiting for a price drop on mods and attys. We’ve all seen the flood of new manufacturers coming to market; we’ve all had a good online browse and the overall price appears static or even going up.

I give you exhibit A: the regulated device that does the same as every other regulated device, as seen on a popular auction site. Or how about exhibit B: the ever-increasing prices of each new release from the company who put the sting in ray?

Just to clear up any confusion, I’m not angry with this; my therapist has cleared up all of my cognitive dissonance-related temper issues. I’m perplexed. I don’t blame makers for finding the price the market will bear, it is just that it seems as though the market will bear almost any price for new mods whereas the second hand market is far less forgiving. How often have you seen someone struggling to sell a much-loved Megan 318 or a Paps X? Both being outstanding mods.

Roll on a time when I don’t have to be troubled over such thing. Roll on a time full of jetpacks and hover cars. As long as they are free, worrying about residual values is enough to drive me to holiday in Butlins and read Jeffrey Archer.

On the buses

There is something about buses, maybe it is the low revs or just sitting over the suspension but it has a certain ‘effect’ on a number of gentlemen. It may well act as a similar stimulus for women as well but not being female or having witnessed a ‘Sleepless In Seattle’ moment I can’t be certain.

This tends to drive some men to do things on the top deck that upset children and small animals. Wop your mod out instead. Sure, bus companies take a dim view on vaping (because bus driver can not distinguish between an unregulated device and 20 Benson), but there’s nothing to stop you fiddling with your air control ring or gently thumbing a vent hole.

Run, Forest, run

Not all of us competed for glory during London 2012 and most of us will suffer day-to-day misery by virtue of failing at life. When I say ‘most of us will’ I mean ‘I’.

I accept that I will never be Demetrius Pinder but I can get three friends, once I make three friends, and hare around Northampton town centre passing my Paps X to one of them. Slumping on the bench outside Greggs, gulping lungs of oxygen, I can watch my mod vanish off towards the library as pastie-clutching hordes congratulate my performance.

Play the funky music, white boy

When I was younger I spent most of my time going to watch bands play and although the frequency has tailed off one thing remains true: there is always a stupidly tall bloke or an idiot woman in a big hat in front of you.

A reel of Kanthal and a pair of Hana mods: you instantly have the ability to convert your shoes into platforms and piss off the person standing behind you. But ignore them, for the first time in ages you can see the stage.

Not just this, but when the annoying bare-chested young man tries to form a human pyramid or the dumpy girl sits on her partner’s shoulders you can take them both out with a regulated mod to the temple. In this eventuality you will probably find that everyone else at the gig buys you drinks all night.

That offends me

Society is now chockablock with people taking offence over anything; the wrong type of oxygen in the air, the offensive colouration of some wood or the sound of water all number in the big list of things that upset people so much they have to write to the Daily Mail’s editor.

Get angry no more, upset folks: sub-ohm clouds are here to save the day.

If it’s a noise then the cloud will deaden it, if it’s visually offensive then the cloud will obscure it from your eyes. Not only will the general public become happier overnight if sub-ohmers start billowing their vape into people’s faces but ‘The Vaper’ will be raised to the lofty heights of ‘Super Hero’.

There are no limits to what we can achieve.