The SV Multipurpose Tool

Oh, it’s just a smudge on the car’s windscreen. The panic is called off and we all breathe a collective sigh of relief. But then some fool turns on the radio and it’s not tuned to something with music. The air fills with noise about hurricanes and missiles and war and politicians. You can fumble for the central locking but that’s not going to help.

Run, run for home as fast as you can. Don’t let traffic or farmyard animals slow you down, you need to feel the comfort and tranquillity of your little bubble – the happy place where the outside world can not intrude.

You’ve left you door key in the car? You fool. What kind of idiot does something that stupid? You’d better hurry up to come up with a solution because that’s a pair of people in smart clothes walking down the road and they look like they want to give you a copy of something looking suspiciously like the word of a god in a booklet. Or get you to order expensive vegetables, delivered to your door. Or sign you up for window cleaning. Or take out a monthly direct debit, donating spare cash you don’t have to give to animals you can’t cuddle. Quick.

Good plan that was, popping next door is a masterstroke. You can both sit down share a cup of tea and chat about what new juice you’ve tried recently. Oh, and would you look at that? Her husband has only gone and made some wonderful cakes. Phew. A day that started with so much promise suddenly looked like it would be one you’d not forget in a hurry. But it’s all golden now; pick up that mug and sup down the nation’s favourite beverage because there’s nothing more British than a tea

Oh no, simply using the word British has sparked the neighbours off, and their opinions would grace septic tanks and sewage treatment plants better than landing on your delicate ears. Make your excuse to leave the table, any excuse.

Well, I suppose thinking about sewage might make some people want to go to the toilet, but it’s hardly ideal as you are still stuck in the house. Oh you have to be kidding me? Seriously? You’re going to do one of them in somebody else’s home? I don’t care if milk always makes you do that, it’s so inconsiderate. What the flip do you mean “it’s blocked it”?

No – NO! I don’t care what you’ve read on the Web or seen on TV, hurling faeces out of a window is possible the most bizarre thing to do under any circumstance.

But at least, now we have the new SV Multitool, if you did do that you’d be able to rescue the situation. We’ve taken the concept of the hammer and made it a 21st-century device. Our range of hammer multitools means that no matter the emergency – changing a radio station, opening a locked door or rescuing an errant turd – you will always have the correct hammer to hand.

No need to thank us, ‘being helpful’ is what Stealthvape does.