Monthly Archives: April 2016

One Billion Lives is a film by Aaron Biebert. Biebert is a non-smoker who has never vaped, but after seeing the struggle his friends faced was amazed nobody had documented the corruption, lies and disinformation being used by people supposedly promoting public health.

Seventy-three percent of our survey’s respondents reported that they previously suffered from an ailment as a result of their smoking. Ninety-three percent of respondents went on to say how their health had improved as a result of them switching to vaping. Our survey was clear: vaping works as a quit tool and delivers health benefits.

We are used to the negativity in the media, it has become a predictable part of the coverage of vaping. Whenever there is a positive study there will be an immediate slew of scare stories and a laughably bad piece of opposition “research”. It is facts like this that informed the making of One Billion Lives.

“Everywhere we look, we see big business interests corrupting the truth and affecting millions of lives,” writes Biebert. “We see that in the food industry, healthcare, government, and now with alternatives to smoking. With nearly unlimited funds, the big money always seems to drown out the truth when it suits them.”

“As filmmakers, it’s our job to tell stories that need telling, give voices to the voiceless, and make our world a better place. It’s not every day that filmmakers get to tell a story that can change the lives of hundreds of millions of people around the world. With A Billion Lives, we have that chance and we’re not going to waste it.”

We hope that the film goes on to be a huge success and many non-vapers get to see it. There are some select screenings coming up near you – but you need to book a ticket in advance to guarantee the film will be shown. Why not take along a bunch of friends too!

• Monday 14^th November – Belfast Odeon
• Monday 14^th November – Manchester Odeon
• Wednesday 16^th November – Greenwich Odeon
• Wednesday 16^th November – Hatfield Odeon
• Thursday 17^th November – Cardiff Odeon
• Thursday 17^th November – Crewe Odeon
• Wednesday 23^rd November – Swansea Odeon
• Wednesday 23^rd November – Southampton Odeon
• Wednesday 23^rd November – Southend Odeon

Or maybe you would like to arrange a screening nearer to you? One Billion Lives offers a risk-free chance to arrange a showing in your local cinema – you can read more here.

Let us know what you think of the film on our Facebook page.

There was a time when every forum was awash with new vapers asking for coiling advice. More precisely, they wanted to know how to make a 1.4-1.8Ω coil without our dear friend the hot spot. For those of you who weren’t vaping in 2013, this was before everyone began coiling at a ridiculously low 1.2Ω, which, in turn, was shortly before the world went barmy, and began coiling at 1.0Ω.

So not only do we bid hot spots a safe journey to the vape rack in the sky, but we need to shed a tear for all of those over-ohm coils and their stainless mesh wicks. The debate will never be closed; was it better to heat the mesh in a flame or pulse a new coil to bed it in? No one cares anymore; the young vapers of today have no idea what they missed.

And they missed a hundred different ways to manufacture a genesis/genisys/geneysis/geniusises/whatever and still lay claim to originality and an improved quality of vape. The genny had its heyday and then became the weird cousin at a family reunion. Some might like to think it isn’t dead but that’s like attempting to claim the classical British motorcycle industry has never been in a healthier position. You still see Ariel Square Fours on the road from time to time, but they are nothing more than ghosts reminding us of a more romantic period. As is the genny, a product from a bygone era that kindles warm memories in the hearts of those who once owned one. Or several.

And how did the genny come to be owned? Through websites no longer with us and the F5 button. We will miss you, F5. As rumour cascaded down the vaping grapevine of the launch of a new product, keyboards used to be smashed into oblivion by vapers desperate to get their hands on something that would hit harder, taste better or look more, err, whatever it was. It is time for the F5 button to be prised from its place and buried near the cabbages.

We also commit the word Pinoy to the place beyond this realm. As the vaping boom really began, never have so many grown adults got so excited about metal tubes doing the job that all the old metal tubes did. At least, not since they argued late into the night about whether a genuine metal tube could be any different to a cloned metal tube. Pinoy goes to its final resting place, now their wares have slumped from fashion, alongside clone wars arguments.

Because there was once a time when we were ecstatic about the prospect of a mass new product launch. In 2014, to be precise, we were flipping out over twenty yes, TWENTY new mech mods being launched at Vapefest. That was set to double the number of original mods on the market.

We commit these items from vaping’s history to the ether, and cherish their memory for delivering us to a point where vaping is working for over 2.8 million people in the UK alone. What a great job they all did.

Firstly, this gateway thing: The data says there’s no gateway, the experts say there’s no gateway – flip, even the Welsh government’s own health survey said there was no gateway. But, still, public health nannies insist on dragging it up. So if they aren’t going to read the reports or listen to harm reduction advocates, we thought they might be open to hearing from experts on the topic of gateways?

To this end, we have issued invitations to a number of gateway authorities. Firstly, that strange little lady from Poltergeist as she knew it all when it came to getting both in and out of the television set. Then we asked Ben Feldman. Although many might not have heard of Ben, his work on As Above, So Below marks him out on being a true portal expert. Lastly, and probably quite scary to some of a nervous disposition, several farmers from The Archers, for obvious farm gate reasons.

The public health bods also love to knock vaping because of the flavours available. It’s blindingly obvious that these are part and parcel of why eliquid works so well but, again, they aren’t listening. We need even more experts so we asked them. We’ve phoned up Heston Blumenthal and he’s agreed to come on board to explain how flavour works for adults. Also, Tori Amos replied to our postcard. “Will you choose fear, or will you choose love,” she sings on her misspelt and slightly boring song Flavor. Our final expert was born to take part as he, like vaping is cast to be, is a public enemy: Flavor Flav. We’re going to fight the power and say to Stanton Glantz: “Don’t believe the hype”.

We feel it is essential to have some giants in the scientific community in order to produce press releases on batteries. We are delighted to announce that Steven Hawking (black holes), Brian Cox (the one who says “amazing” all the time, not the one from Planet of the Apes), Spock (science officer) and Sheldon Cooper (Ph.D., Sc.D.). If Sheldon tells you that the problem is with people not understanding how an electrical circuit works – and not with vaping – you stay told.

Also, as a similar thing worked so well for Tony Blair, we have roped the entire cast of Casualty on board to put across the medical profession’s opinion on vaping. While some might have wanted real doctors – this lot will say anything we pay them to say, they’ll say it well and we get to arrange lots of gory accidents.

There’ll be no stopping us now, not with this incredible team. All thanks to Stealthvape – always thinking the unthinkable.

At the outset, let us just say that we adored Animaniacs. It’s important to remember this love as we plod through the next couple of sentences. Your dalliance with DC characters has been an “absolute failure”. Not our words, just something we read on Rotten Tomatoes. And every other movie review site.

Batman vs Superman? The dysfunctional Suicide Squad dialogue? And now you’ve contracted five independent scriptwriters to produce five different scripts for Wonder Woman? It sounds like you need some Stealthvape support.

Imagine the scene, it’s a dark and gritty sky over Gotham. Anyone but Ben Affleck is kicking back in the Wayne Mansion with his feet up on an old desk, vape curls up from his top lip. The door creaks, in comes Albert. “Master Bruce,” say the bent old man. “Not a lot of people know this – but there’s a new super squad of evil rampaging through town.”

We’re not even a couple of minutes into the film and we’ve already got cooler tech going on than anything Batbloke had in his belt. Everyone loves vaping these days. Vaping and killer dialogue from anti-heroes.

So who’s this evil gang? Joker? Messed-up face? The bloke who does lame riddles? Nope. It’s crossover time; movie fans love crossovers. Say hello to The Legion of Evil.

Flashback.

For Lion, Rabbit, Raccoon, Elephant, Pig and the other Care Bears this was just another normal day at the nuclear plant. Five minutes of mayhem later and the irradiated posse became bent on pandemonium and destruction. Or, as the witty but amoral Uncare Bear says: “Panda-monium”. She laughs after saying that. Killer dialogue.

Because evil.

Fast forward again. Batchap, his soul crushed by the perma-dark of Gotham but mainly by the last abysmal feature presentation can no longer face fighting crime. Albert is packing travel vape kits and the pair of them go off to live in Miami. As the plane takes off, Supervaperman’s vapemobile crushes the gravel in Batchump’s ex-driveway.

“Join my great fight against the malevolent horde,” implores Supervaperman. Plumes of cereal-scented vape clear to reveal yet another crossover moment. Surely it can’t be true? But it is. It’s none other than Ponies For Justice.

It’s the feel-good, fighting evil hit of next summer. It’s vapetastic explosions, clouds and snappy one-liners (designed to be the only things people remember and put into memes). The story arch is a rainbow, Rainbow Dash is a rainbow and even the rainbows in the films are rainbows. Rainbows, unicorns, ponies, evil bears and vaping – “it literally couldn’t be more exciting”, says the poster for people who don’t understand the meaning of literally.

We are prepared to act as consultants for the production of Supervaperman – Man of Feels; Dawn of Flufftice.

It is very rare that we come across vape items exuding this level of quality. It is exceptional that one atomiser can appeal to absolutely everybody (*except Mexicans, social democrats or terrorists). The atomiser was designed and built  100% in the USA by a Trump employee picking up the phone and calling China.

The first 1,000 units come in a gift box with a free sample of Trump Hair cotton wick – that works by placing a tuft at a jaunty angle on the top of the drip tip.

What can we say about it that the great man hasn’t already said to a large crowd while having people ejected by security: “I know lots of reviewers. I know the best reviewers. They are behind this atomizer 100% because they know I would not put my name to anything shoddy or likely to fail. And it won’t fail because I have all the vapes. I have the flavor vapes, I have the cloudy vapes, I have the vapey vapes. I have all the vapes. And this Trump atomizer, everyone wants it. Even people who don’t want to vape want it because they want a bit of me because I’m successful in everything I do.”

Benefits:

• It is the only atomiser that looks like one of Trump’s buildings.
• It is the only atomiser that stands a chance of defeating ISIS.
• It can even be held in small hands with cocktail-sausage fingers.
• It comes in a range of one colour, that being billionaire/cheesy gold.
• It would perform quite well during a televised election debate.
• Anyone calling it ridiculous will be sued.

So, The Trump Atomiser – coming soon.