Vaping Past and Future

The extra 24hours vaping is not going to be the only thing vapers will notice in what no one has yet called The Year of Change: Doctor Konstantinos Farsalinos became a well-known figure within the vaping community over the last twelve months. If he wasn’t publishing scientific studies or ripping other studies to shreds, he spent the last twelve months being interviewed and advocating for vaping. It will come as an almighty shock then that the TPD is forcing him to throw in the towel.

We found someone in Greggs who was willing to speak on the doctor’s behalf. “For sure, it is going to be a different world without him,” said Carole, a semi-professional Come Dine With Me viewer. “But I will be continuing to support Konstantinos.” Supporting indeed, as he is due to announce his intention to take up bare-knuckle fighting and is set to take on Brad Pitt behind the Wetherspoons in Kettering next month. Cynthia Pett-Dante, Pitt’s manager, has yet to deny the speculation.

Farsalinos isn’t alone as many vapers and advocates questioned whether it was worth bothering following the news from the European Court. Scott igetcha69 is moving over to making videos reviewing cross-stitch patterns, Mark Toddy McTodd is on the verge of announcing his intention to begin stamp collecting while the whole of the UK Vapers forum is rumoured to be set for a makeover – as an online venue for fans of Um Bungo juice drink, renamed UB Drinkers.

How can the vaping world change so dramatically? Well it all comes down to the things Jeremy Mean of The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) hasn’t said. We are all fully aware that atomisers will be restricted to 2ml in volume and that refill containers are to be limited at 10ml – but has he also said that you can only vape on a Tuesday? No. This mean-spirited individual could well have an untold number of plans yet to be announced.

The likelihood is that if a juice or device manufacturer wishes to obtain a licence then not only will they have to undergo a costly and lengthy administrative procedure – but they will have to do it while wearing roller skates, a tutu and singing the theme tune to Happy Days. Falling over or forgetting any of the words will result in immediate disqualification. We know this as well-funded Big Tobacco corporate lawyers have been spotted and photographed preparing their submissions.

But then there are the resolute bunch of hardened vapers and vendors who will refuse to be oppressed. For them the only recourse is going to be subterfuge and flying under the radar. Stealthvape is in the process of moving premises to Zanzibar while Scopes Eliquid are appraising whether or not Trading Standards can get to them if they relocate to a trading estate in Syria. We believe they said Syria but could have misheard them saying Slough – either way they’d probably be equally inaccessible.

For those who intend to stick with the new approved products we will sign off this forecast by predicting the likely winners of the end of year awards. There is no doubt that best mod and atomiser will go to the only legal one on the market: The British American Tobacco Shitstick™. Juice of the year will be either Ashtray Experience or Stale Tabs from Phillip Morris’ Taste of Ash range.

Or maybe it won’t be this bad, no one knows.